tushanshu | 05 ❄ ( voice )

Entry tags:

05 ❄ ( voice )

[ Jack has come back to the city after his fight with Kyle and his talk with Bucky at the shell's edge. He isn't quite ready for video replies yet, knows that despite the usual cheerful timbre he's forcing into his voice it won't cover the fact that his eyes are sad and hollow. ]

Has anyone seen Periwinkle? I went to her suite to give her fresh snow but she's not there and it looks...

[ he fumbles for the right description ]

Unused.

[ private to Finnick ]
Sorry I haven't figured out those other lures yet, I... something-- kind of came up. I take it you saw the announcement?

[ private to Damian ]
I... wanted to apologize, for what I said to you on the sled hill. When you brought up-- I, I just shouldn't have snapped back at you like that. I don't have any right to say who trusts you and who doesn't. I'm sorry.

[ private to Kyle ]
... please don't tell everyone about the snow. I get it, okay? It was wrong and fake and cheating and a horrible thing. But just let them have a good memory of it and-- and I won't spread any more snow like that around. Please. I'll... I'll do whatever you want.

[ He doesn't think he could take it if all the people who thanked him for the snow day suddenly turned on him for it. The ones who'd had their hearts lightened enough to even be able to see him for the first time. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Yeah, I think he is.

[He confirms, almost immediately. Costigan's natural inclination would be to ask more questions, to press for information, but he intentionally opposes that when speaking with kids like Jack, people he cares about. Arthur is Ariadne's business associate, he knows that. Like he knows the two know Cobb and Freddy somehow. But that's a complicated mess that he's still trying to puzzle out.

Costigan leans forward onto the table and takes another sip of his coffee, glancing briefly at the empty chair before him before looking out at the people again.]

You think it's possible to live here? To get comfortable and have an actual life here, beyond just working and serving the Emperor's whims?

[ Jack gave a thoughtful hum, looking out over the other patrons scattered around the cafe's seats, closed his eyes and listened to the pleasant murmur of conversations before responding. ]

I think there's a good reason that the saying is, "home is where the heart is".

[He considers that, his frown growing comfortable on his face as he glances down to his drink.]

You think it's the right thing? That we should get comfortable here?

[ Jack traces a small but intricate pattern on the table, thinking over his response. He hasn't been here as long as some of the others, and everyone had different motivations for wanting to return home -- or not, in some select cases -- but Costigan was asking his opinion so that was what he gave. ]

... No. I think we should keep trying to find a way back to where we're supposed to be. A lot of us have responsibilities we have to get back to, friends and family we want to see again.

But... if for some reason that's not possible -- and there's nothing saying it's not, but as a what-if -- I think there could be a lot worse places that someone could be stuck in than Tu Vishan, and worse people to be stuck with.

[Costigan watches the frost appear on the table, then seems to realize he's basically focusing on something half imaginary. He immediately takes a sip of his coffee and straightens as he listens to the voice coming from nowhere.]

How do you know? [A beat, then he clarifies.] I mean, if it's impossible to leave. Do we spend our whole time we could have been living struggling for something that's not possible? Or do we give up and risk never getting back?

[His voice is the same volume as before, but there's something softer about it. It's the kind of rare vulnerability that he doesn't show or express often, and never with people he doesn't trust at least a little.]

I don't know for sure. None of us do.

[ There's honesty in Jack's tone, a wisdom that doesn't seem to fit with the teen he sounds like. ]

But there's still trust in good things that can happen. That's why you wear that medallion, right?

[Costigan's gaze snaps over at the chair at the mention of the medallion. He frowns slightly at the empty space, at not being able to see Jack, and then looks down to his coffee again. The undercover's fingers follow the chain to the coin before he drops his hand away.]

It's not that simple.

[ Jack smiles knowingly even though Costigan can't see it. ]

Ah... I guess so.

[He offers a pointed, disapproving frown at the place where he knows Jack to be. This time, it's definitely directed at the kid.]

You're lucky I even believe in you. Don't test that.

[ Jack is silent for a moment, less from the frown (which he expected) and more from the cutting remark. ]

We already tested that, remember? You stopped being able to hear me. You don't have to remind me that I'm lucky to be believed in, Billy... there's no way I'd ever take that for granted.

[Costigan lifts the hand not holding his coffee to rub at his face. He allows his eyes to drift closed as he thinks of what to say, of how to put it. The things he hates saying, but he feels like maybe the kid needs to hear.]

I mean I don't know what I believe in, alright? [He says finally, with a sigh, clearly not keen on admitting as much.] Jack Frost, Saint Jude, any of it. I know that God exists. I can never not believe that. But the rest of it?

[He shakes his head and, for a second, genuine pain appears on his expression. Then he quickly controls it.] I don't know, Jack.

[ softly: ] It's okay not to know.

[ He reaches out, wanting to put a reassuring hand on Costigan's arm to convey he understood just how hard this was for him... but he can't. Jack's fingers curl just before touching the man's sleeve, remembering the way he'd shied uncomfortably away from the brief contact inside the shop where he'd taken back the money. ]

And look, I'm in no way putting myself on the same level as a saint but... if I had the choice, I'd want to be as real as someone needed me to be, no matter what that meant.

[Costigan opens his eyes and glances down to his arm where the faintest hint of cold brushes past, wondering if Jack had done something or if he's just imagining it. The undercover drops his gaze and then immediately lifts it again to look out at the people, masking the pain but still not quite his usual hardened self.]

I want to see you. [He replies after a short silence stretches between them.] But I can't change that. Not right now.

That's good enough for me, Billy. I know it seems weird, but it is. That means more to me than the people who could see me right off the bat.

[Costigan allows another silence before giving a single nod in acknowledgement of Jack's words. How did his efforts to cheer the kid up end up in him spilling his own secrets? It's embarrassing; he's getting soft. The Bostonian shifts and takes a long sip of his coffee, that emotional wall visibly rising again as Costigan's expression neutralizes again and his posture stiffens with the tension of his muscles.]

How's work going?

Edited 2013-04-02 02:45 (UTC)

[ It was almost a visible change, but Jack didn't mind it. It was part of who Costigan was and Jack liked the man, prickly attitude and all. ]

It's getting busier. With the rationing, everyone's sending their supplies all over the place so I'm flying twice as many deliveries. It's weird, I'm actually getting tired by the end of the day and have to nap... usually I don't need to do that except after big blizzards.

[ He hasn't quite put the fact that it's getting warmer together with the increase in tiredness, not yet. ]

Are you doing alright for food?

[Rationing. Costigan doesn't mind it so much, aside from the lack of tobacco, but he knows that others are having a harder time. He's been trying to keep an eye on them, casually, in the hopes of avoiding or defusing tensions between the citizens and the foreigners.]

Making enough money?

[ Jack's voice suddenly became awkward, as though Costigan had caught him doing something he shouldn't have been. ]

Oh, um. Well, the rationing really hasn't been a problem, I don't... actually need to eat. I can and things taste good, but foods like the tart, they're treats.

As far as money goes, I get paid per delivery so how much I make varies, but I always have spare on hand. I give a lot of it to people who use it for things they need. I gave a bunch to Finnick so he could start his fishing business, and I bought Zatanna some of her favourite tea because she ran out.

[And this is Costigan actually face palming. He brings up his hand again to press against his closed eyes, trying to calm himself before the ridiculousness of the entire situation can kick in. He has to actively choose not to think about it too much, lest he lose some of his belief in the kid.]

Do you save some money? I mean, an actual stash of it somewhere?

[ Costigan's reaction has Jack sounding contrite. ]

Yeah, I... guess that never came up before now.

I just hang onto whatever I haven't used or given away, it's not like... savings.

[ guess who has basically NO CONCEPT of basic life skills for modern day living ]

[Costigan drops his hand and looks at the still empty chair, his eyes searching for the frost and finding it as a mild reassurance now. He sighs and shifts in his seat, glancing around.]

You need to start saving money, in case something you need money for comes up. If you don't trust yourself, give it to me and I'll save it for you.

[ Jack can't think of anything off the top of his head that he'd need something like that for, but the fact the Costigan offered was enough for the spirit to agree. ]

Okay, that sounds like a good plan.

[His eyes travel to the empty space and then beyond, a little surprised by the immediacy of Jack's agreement.]

So you'll save some of your money?

Mm, I'll give it to you. I trust you with it.

[Costigan's expression tights a little with displeasure. Jack trusts too much and it bothers him, because if the kid trusts him already, who knows who else he'll trust. But at least he's around for now and can try to stop just such a thing from happening.]

Sure. Sounds good, kid.

[A beat.] You been making a lot of friends around here?

action

Re: action

action - and then I forgot to tag for almost a week. whoops.

aww, s'ok

<333 sorry

it's cool!

omg dw stahp with the accidental bans/etc

ahaha yeah, I finally had to change my hover menu settings

...that's a thing you can do?

Account Settings -> Display -> Hover Menu

fancy! Thanks!

np!

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject