tushanshu | Verse 04 -- Video

[Compared to Jehan's last post a week or so ago, he looks much better. He's slept, he's eaten, and he's up for trying to interact with people again. He smiles a bit shyly when the feed clicks on, blushing as he usually is]

I wanted to apologize if my...behavior last month upset anyone. I was not feeling well and wasn't thinking clearly. I hope that anyone I upset or worried can forgive me. Ah...and I wanted to thank everyone who offered assistance. I am--it was greatly appreciated.

[Understatement of the centuries. This is followed by some private messages, all of which are absurdly easy to crack. The guy's from 1832. He's just happy he can make the private.]

[Original Amis sans Marius]

[The smile's gone, and Jehan is serious]

I wanted to...to remind everyone that should you feel as I did last month I am here to listen or talk or simply keep you company. I know what happens when you shut yourself away, now. I do not want that to happen to any of you.

[Dorian Gray]

[Shyly:]

Is it too late to accept your offer of that flute, Dorian?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Just black. Please, take a seat.

[Jehan gestures to his kitchen table.]

Are you hungry...? Or would you rather just...talk?

[Okay so sitting is a thing. He drapes his jacket over the back of a chair and takes a seat, disturbing the actual placement of the chair as little as possible to do so.]

I'm actually not hungry, but if you wanted to eat it might not be a bad idea.

I am fine.

[He joins Reid at the table]

...you were telling me about psychology?

[A nod.]

PTSD specifically. It's a stress response that happens when a person's ability to cope with traumatic circumstances is overwhelmed by the enormity of what they've endured or witnessed. It's a sort of anxiety disorder that causes a person to relive - either by nightmares or flashbacks - the specific moments of their trauma, but having it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you or that you're lesser somehow. Do you understand?

I...yes, a bit. To have died and then witness all I have witnessed since...I should be more worried if I wasn't affected?

Not necessarily. Everyone handles trauma differently. There is no 'right' way to handle it.

[He should know.]

[Jehan nods]

I understand. But this...this is normal?

[He's silent for a moment, and then he gets up and heads into the kitchen for the tea.]

When I was about your age [says the thirty year old] I-- um. I was... [he takes a breath. releases it.] tortured. By a suspect we were investigating for a number of crimes. It was probably one of the worst experiences of my life. I had all those same symptoms I described to you. It was absolutely normal. And I had help-- my team, my friends. It never goes away, but it gets... easier to deal with, over time.

[Well, Jehan is almost twenty-five and five years can mean a lot.

He gasps as Spencer's story, stunned]

I am sorry that happened to you, though I am glad you survived it.

[He bites his lip]

...I should not have kept it hidden from everyone.

I'm glad, too.

[And he is. Even though he crosses an arm across his body and his fingers catch on the sleeve at the crook of his arm.]

It does help, though. To talk about things. Without-- being afraid or ashamed. And it helps when you have friends that will listen, who won't judge you for what you feel. Sometimes people don't understand how to help other people through trauma, especially if they're busy dealing with their own, and-- they can come off as callous or uncaring when that couldn't be farther from the truth.

You speak from experience?

Yeah.

[He comes back to the table with his tea-cup, stirring it a little with a spoon he'd found in the drawer.]

Yeah, I do.

[Normally Jehan would have kicked himself for not getting the tea for Spencer, but perhaps the distraction was needed]

I am sorry. And this was--several years ago?

[Five years, a hundred and fourteen days, nine hours, forty-nine minutes and--]

Five years, yes.

I hope that one day, you will be rid of your ghosts, doctor.

[He smiles.]

I hope the same for you.

[He lifts the tea in a bit of a salute.]

Does it help? Knowing that there's a reason you're feeling this way?

A...a little, yes.

[He smiles back, shy]

Knowing that this is part of being human makes it easier to bear. Knowing that I'm not weak because I cannot handle it.

I can't begin to imagine what you and your friends went through, but I don't think that would have stemmed from weakness, Prouvaire.

[He's doing his level best to channel a combination of Hotch and Morgan at the moment, which means his tone is calm and gently reassuring.]

No, I suppose not. Have you told Combeferre about this...PSTD? Not your story, unless you wish to, but the...whatever it is itself. He may find it interesting.

[That's it, right?]

Anxiety disorder.

[He'll fill in the blanks when and where he needs to. It's a lot to take in, he knows.]

And I haven't, no, but I could. We spent nearly six hours discussing moths at one point.

[And Jehan just dies laughing]

Truly?

It might have been closer to seven.

[GUILTY LITTLE SMILE? HE'S A NERD OKAY.]

Oh, God. I thought he was the only person so enraptured by moths.

I wouldn't say I'm enraptured per se, but I, um, dealt with a case once that involved moths and the symbolic metamorphology of their life cycle and I did some reading.

[When Reid says 'some' reading, he actually means 'I read the entire section on moths in the library.

In about eighteen minutes.']

Funny, Combeferre told me the same thing when I asked about his fascination with moths.

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Verse 04 -- Video

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