tushanshu | [video]

[video]

[Jim's sitting in his suite, wearing his command golds, looking serious as a heart attack. He's leaning forward, one hand braced against the armrest of his chair, the other fiddling with something on the console. Satisfied, he leans back more fully and nods once to the camera.]

Okay, let's get the introductions out of the way first. Name's Jim, Jim Kirk. Captain of the USS Enterprise. I serve in Starfleet in the year 2259 - Starfleet being a space-based armada focused on peaceful exploration and the discovery of new forms of life in the universe.

[There's a slight quirk to his brow, he coughs and then continues with all due charisma,]

I know there's people out there that've been here longer than I have, so I'm asking for your help - and the assistance of anyone willing. We know we're here to fight something, some of you know what and why. While I can understand the reasoning behind keeping that information to allies, I'd like to stress the fact that we're all in this together, regardless of worlds, races or creeds. This isn't something we can or should fight blind. So I'm proposing a broader alliance, a centralized repository of information, and the consideration of a unified front to face whatever's coming.

Additionally, I'm interested in the martial capabilities of the landed foreigners, any contingency plans that have been put in place to deal with the situations we're potentially facing here, and the sorts of scenarios that've been dealt with in the past.

[He exhales a little more sharply than necessary, and then he gives the camera a brief, two-fingered salute.]

Kirk out.

[and edited in after the fact, private to Kyle Rayner.]

We should talk.

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Look.

[He paces a short distance away. And then stops. And looks at Kyle.]

They broke my symbol too.

[There's an angry roar in his ears: you didn't build it, you didn't hear it shatter, you didn't see the blood on the floor but it's far down enough that the ocean can swallow it. Kyle just nods.]

What happened?

I told you, we were betrayed by one of our own, a man named Alexander Marcus.

[He looks away.]

Starfleet... we're peacekeeping. We're explorers. And somebody tried to use us, use the deaths of my crew to start a war. We fight if and when we have to. Not before.

[I was never going to spare your crew.]

Everything I believe in, everything Spock believes in-- they took it away. And I'm not even going to be there to rebuild. Not in that universe.

[He and Spock have already had that discussion. Even if Jim can change the future, it's already set in stone in that reality. Another alternate universe.]

[He's getting that feeling again, there is a rift of experience between them because Kyle knows he's always going to be used. By the Guardians, by his enemies, by his friends, the only difference was the people you voluntarily granted power over you because you trusted them (break my fingers, that's how you stop me), and those who simply tried to force you to give to them.]

[Because when it comes down to it, he's always had to fight. The people he protects, they either fight with him or they run. Most of them choose the former, and for that, he is always grateful, even if it costs them their lives, because it is better to die on your feet (with your boots on, standing up) than it is to do so on your knees.]

[But Jim rubs him the wrong way when he takes charge, and so, Kyle doesn't straighten up, doesn't voice what's going to sound like a lecture. He acts as he always does, a friend, a leader from behind.]

[Calm waters.]

What can I do to help fix [you] it?

You can't.

[He shakes his head.]

Just... look after Spock.

[He had to watch.]

[Eyebrow raise.]

In my neck of the woods we call that quitter talk.

[He's so tired it doesn't even raise his hackles.]

It's not. Look-- in case you didn't notice, I'm awful at this whole helping thing. I've been trying it since we met in that bar and I have no idea what I'm doing.

[He reaches up to press his fingers against the back of his neck, digging against the muscle there. Admitting weakness. Seems like that's all he's been doing lately.]

I'm not quitting. I'm going to go back and I'm going to fix the mess I made, and I don't care what it takes. [what it costs.] Thing is, whatever happens, I'm going to have to do it alone.

[Welcome to the Only Admits Weakness to Kyle Rayner club, Jim.]

It's not that. [he makes a vague gesture with one hand]. I think we can both agree that in some universe out there, either of us could be serving at the other's side. There's definitely people like you in my Corps and I bet there's somebody like me in your crew. If not now, then in the future.

[Then he circles, and contemplates sitting down. He chooses to lean against the arm of the couch, instead. If they're standing, they should both be standing. If seated, both seated. As equals. He keeps his tone gentle, and his posture unassuming. He is not speaking as a leader, not directly.]

The thing is: your self-assurance, to me, reads as arrogance. That you know everything in the world just because you're smart or talented or whatever, that you can fly by the seat of your pants and everything's going to work out just because it's you doing it. My self-assurance, to you, reads as lecturing, that I'm only saying what I am because I've seen so much more of the bullshit, and because of that, I know better than you do.

[He is quiet, for a bit, looking down, at the ground.]

Neither of us are completely right, but we can be complements. I am more experienced. This is going to come up, again, and again. I can't help that.

[Another pause.]

Fear shuts people like you down. But it wakes people like me up.

[He's quiet. But more than that, he's listening. He snorts halfway through the - yes, lecture - but Kyle's reminding him of Pike, and that's-- not a bad thing. Not right now.]

You're right. I am afraid.

[He flexes his hands, looks down at them.]

In fact, you're right about a lot-- about most of that. Jesus, you sound-- [he laughs.] You sound just like Chris Pike. The truth is? I watched myself die. I watched myself beg for my crew and it wasn't enough to save them. I watched people - my family get killed because I was arrogant. Because I'm some dumb rookie who never had to take a fall before.

[He exhales a little sharply, and then his expression settles into neutrality (determination, will) and he looks up, nods once.]

The only thing to fear is fear itself, right?

[He nods, in reply. Compliment? Maybe. But he earned that, too, and he accepts it, silently, letting some assurance leak back into his posture so he doesn't look quite so bunched.]

[He tilts his head curiously, like he's listening to something only he can hear.]

I don't think your approach was the wrong one. [Kyle puts himself in Jim's shoes, and he knows it wouldn't work out the same way, because he'd only beg to buy time. Any person who threatened to kill his family fully intended to carry through with the threat, no matter what. Experience had been a hard teacher.]

You're like... a conflagration. [He rubs his chin thoughtfully and continues reasoning aloud.] Fire. Even if you can adjust to being a candle, or being a blaze, it always burns whoever touches it. You met a rock, and you couldn't melt it, but you can, if you figure out how.

[Play to your strengths.]

Okay, for the record? You're terrible at metaphors. Chess, go, fire, water, rocks. Rocks, really?

[He points.]

I'm just a guy. Drop the fancy shit.

[A jaunty shrug, and lightly:] Hey, I can't be perfect all the time.

Yeah, well. Join the club.

[He grimaces, and then heads for the kitchen. Between his and Rose's ration cards, it doesn't look as bare as a single person apartment. That and he secretly suspects Spock's been smuggling food in, since he doesn't have the nutritional requirements of a normal human.]

You want anything?

No, I'm good. Thanks.

[Finally, he sits down, occasionally turning his head towards the console as new messages arrive.]

[Jim, on the other hand, is ignoring them, as he comes back into the living room and shoves a cup of coffee into Kyle's hands anyway. Because he's here, and he might as well have something.

Jim eyes the console, and then throws himself down on the couch beside Kyle. The coming fight's on his mind, that's for sure. And without his ship, what the hell can he even do? It's natural for him, to fall into a leadership role, but that's with people who've had years of experience and training. A crew. Here... there's people from all over. People who can take being hit by a truck or an asteroid or survive being shot in the chest. Jim doesn't feel outclassed often, but he's feeling it now. Wryly,]

Is your superpower making other people talk about themselves when they don't want to or something? I called you over here to make sure you were okay.

[Equally wry:] If you like, I can get tested for a meta-gene.

[He doesn't mind; in fact, he prefers it. People don't generally like to hear about him unless they're one of his enemies and they've underestimated him.]

[He blows on the coffee gently, and doesn't sip. Instead, he stretches out a leg to make sure it's not falling asleep.]

Oh, don't even start.

[He just pitches one of the throw pillows at Kyle, though he's careful not to aim at the coffee cup.]

[Kyle tenses like he's ready to be struck. He's still not comfortable enough to relax completely around Jim, but he manages to recover and tosses the pillow back, genially, before he drinks his coffee.]

[Jim catches the pillow and studies it like it's some kind of particularly interesting science experiment. Hard to miss that flinch. He probably should have put more thought into that.]

I'm sorry about the Corps.

Don't be. [Firm. It's too close to pity.] We're fighters, survivors. If they tear us down, I'll rebuild. Simple as that.

[Everything they say is wrong. Has been wrong since Kyle broke his nose in that bar. Every once in a while it's like they step into sync, but both of them have a habit of stumbling, and he's not quite sure if it's intentional or not.]

Look, did I say you wouldn't? It's not pity. When people die-- I care about that. I can't not care.

[Not after Vulcan. He lives with that grief, finds new ways to bury it, but mind melds stay with you forever. It's burnt into his brain like a brand, searing bright with the intricacies of Vulcan agony, and he--

Spock watched him die. That's there, too. It hurts just the same. So you do feel.]

I'm sick of fighting over everything one of us says. I'm just not going to do it any more. Take it or leave it.

[We've both fought enough. Too much.]

Sorry. [He means that, too.] After [a long pause] prison, compassion looks too much like pity.

[Quietly-] And I don't really stop fighting, not even where friends are concerned. My burden can't be carried by anyone else.

[Now you understand why I don't make friends easily.]

[That sounds really melodramatic, and Jim almost opens his mouth to comment on it.

But he saw those scars, fresh beneath Kyle's uniform. And he doesn't.]

I'll only say this once. I'm not built for pity. It's not part of who I am. It's bullshit. And it's disrespectful. That's not me.

[... okay, he waves a hand.]

Not saying I can't be disrespectful. Just that I don't do it like that.

[He flips the pillow over in his hands and smoothes his hand over the patchwork lace.]

Has anybody ever tried?

[He hears it, nods, and he takes a sip of his coffee, while distantly focusing on the window, shutting out his surroundings.]

They went insane.

[He's quiet for a bit. Wishing he'd brought another cup of coffee over here.

That's just how it is. Life's not fair. Some people can't handle the responsibility, the burden of-- whatever the hell it is that Kyle's faced. Some people break, they crack. They fail.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they die scared.

Jim sets his jaw briefly, stubborn. More at the memory than at Kyle or what he's said.]

Try me.

[It's not bold, it's not brash. It's not even a challenge. It's just... an offer. He's sick of fighting. He wasn't lying when he said that Kyle and Rose were the closest things he's made to 'friends' since he got here. Jim doesn't make them easily either. What the hell does it say about him that Bones - Bones - was his first real one?]

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