tushanshu | 001

[This is John Colby.

He’s one of the best agents in the F.D.A.

When John Colby took a butcher knife to the face, he received facial reconstruction surgery that left him with half a terminator face and the awesome perk of a multi-million dollar processor where his damaged brain once was.

The injuries peppering his face and the arm in the sling have nothing to do with that injury. Those came from an angry octogenarian after she discovered he was two-timing her with another man.

It wasn't pretty.]

All right everyone, listen up. Agent John Colby, F.D.A. [And with that he flashes his badge to the camera with his good arm.] I've got two questions for you: first, any of science nerds out there? I need one of you to come and look at my eye. [Yes, the creepy red one, not the normal one.] It's not working and I prefer to use two goddamn eyes. The door says "FI-1C." Knock first or I'll shoot.

Second, and this is important so listen up, where is the cheapest place I buy booze? This is not something to take in sober. And I really don't give a shit about any illegal chicken joints--if this place even has chicken--so let's not even pretend that might be an issue, 'kay? I just want to get shitfaced in peace.

[He pauses.] Actually, I got one more question, though it's more a request. If anyone here has seen my partner, an insufferable little prick named Chu, let me know. Ton, if you're watching this you better fucking contact me, got it?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Okay, Toph is fine with getting rough with guys who she felt initiated it, but. Shooting? Not cool, man. Stop the train.]

You shoot people because they don't do what you want?

Jesus kid I was kidding! I'm a federal agent, I can't just shoot people for no reason. [Mainly because it's too much paperwork.]

[See, when you're blind, you kind of miss any tells in someone's face. And when it's not in their voice . . . well.]

How should I know what a federal agent is? So far all I know is you've got a computer for an eye.

[She did still bite her kedan, but we'll ignore that.]

Toph, by the way.

[Fair enough.]

Well now you know I'm a federal agent with a computer for an eye.

[Nods his head in greeting. I swear he's not usually this dumb but he'd catch on quicker if he had two functioning eyes, robo or not.]

Yeah, that doesn't explain it at all. Kind of like police? Or you guard the king or something?

[He wouldn't be the first!]

[Forgive Colby for not responding right away, he's too busy laughing his ass off.] Yes, I personally guard the king of the United States of America.

[Completely wry over here.] Good for you. What's so funny?

[The laughter fades.] ...You're dead serious.

Kid where are you from, exactly?

[Yep. Completely serious.]

The Four Nations. Earth Kingdom. Nowhere around here, like just about everyone else.

The United States of America . . . never heard of them.

[John Colby the asshole has been replaced by John Colby the cop. He sort of stares at her for a few moments before coming to the conclusion she is being dead serious.]

That bullshit about other worlds wasn't bullshit after all, was it?

[A beat.] I hate this place already.

[Toph probably likes this guy a bit better, though she was appreciating the match of her dryness at the beginning.]

There's a club. Line forms on the left.

Could be worse -- though the whole no-power thing right now rates it pretty high on levels of "this sucks."

The weirdest shit I had to deal with before was a senator with food for a face. And all of those other food freaks.

[What.]

What?

[Toph is going to take a line from Lin's book on this one.]

I wish I was joking. I'm not even going to attempt his freak name. [Which is Bromaformutare.]

I'd show you, but the eye's not working. [OH MY GOD COLBY SHE'S BLIND.]

001 | Video

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;