tushanshu | ✦ 008 ✦ [VIDEO]

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✦ 008 ✦ [VIDEO]

[It takes several on-camera seconds before Zatanna can finally figure out the right words for this; her mouth opens and closes twice before she gives up and just comes out with it:]

...is anybody else slightly concerned about the fact that some of the local bakeries've started selling cookies in the shapes of these thi--?

[And the Network is suddenly treated to a GIANT UPSIDE-DOWN TRIBBLE FACE taking up the entire camera. Because it wanted to say hello, of course.]

[Zatanna can barely get out the shriek of surprise in the background before her unexpected visitor suddenly tumbles downward, taking the feed with it. The screen goes dark, leaving one last audio cry before it cuts out completely:]

Get back here, you cheap horror film knockoff!

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[Tim covers his eyes with one hand.]

You might get a Young Justice in the future, and Bart, we covered this. There is no reality where it's a good idea to break into the Batcave.

You're totally getting a Young Justice in the future. Some things are just fate.

[Unfortunately, speaking of futures and fates... there's a slight seriousness now when Bart turns to Tim. It keeps his voice low in pitch and volume.]

Uh. Except I know of at least one where it is. So.

[Bart shrugs in a way that's both tense and wide at the same time. His arms are fully exteneded, fingers splayed and stretched so much as to angle slightly backwards, but his arms are right at his sides and pointed at the floor. He continues, more lightly.]

I'm ruling that what's OK in one reality is fair game in another, and having permanent blackmail on Tim Drake sounds like a plan. Whaddaya say, Zee? Send some sort of message in a magic bottle to the Zatanna on my world and tell her what she wants to do is help Bart Allen bust into the Batcave?

Hold up, there. How come she gets to have all the fun?

[Definitely ignoring Tim's face-palming, because priorities.]

[Tim catches the look Bart is sending him, and actually looks away, because Bart doesn't even know how awful that whole thing has potential to get, and he doesn't want to talk about it.

Definitely not now. Probably not ever.

He decides to focus on what Zatanna said instead.]

Because you're going to have to convince your Robin.

[Please take that hint, Bart. Tim's is the only ID she knows right now.]

[When Tim looks away like that, it's suddenly not such a hot idea to have pointed out that Tim was wrong about there being no reality where they should break into the Batcave. If Zatanna wasn't there, Bart would tell him that the old agreement still stands - they are not letting that happen, ever, but she is there. He's not about to open that one up for discussion.

The best he can do is reach over and touch Tim's arm. Not the shoulder, cause that looks like comfort, or the wrist, cause then it looks like he's trying to hold Tim there. Just above the elbow. That's safe, right?

Now. Focus on Zatanna. Don't jokingly ask if that means that he's convinced Tim, even though that is totally an opening. Just. Let it drop.]

She gets to have the fun because I'm totally getting us all home, one of these days. Sorry, Zatanna. You'll have to wait until your own version of me falls back through time for that little escapade.

[Something happened. She had no idea what, but whatever alternate-universe language they were speaking caused Tim to grow even more serious than usual, and even get Bart to sober up long enough to...touch his arm? It was just bewildering enough that she couldn't even bring herself to make another gay reference.]

[Shifting awkwardly, she waited until the two boys were done having their moment before focusing on the original plan. Something about the Batcave and Magic Bottles.]

I'm not sure the multiverse could handle another you, Bart. [A smirk, though slightly more strained than before. She shrugged.] As for my Robin...well, he's not quite as uptight--and, as far as I know, he doesn't wear tight leather.

I could probably convince him to go along with a plan of our own, if you're not going to help us.

[Tim glances briefly at Bart with a faint smile. They can talk about it later. Or better yet, never.

And then he's swallowing back a snicker at her comment about Dick and leather. Give him a few years. Nightwing might never have worn leather, but he's pretty sure Dick has.]

I am so not helping. You're going to have to come up with a hare-brained scheme on your own. And then when Batman strings you both up by your ankles in speedster and magic-proof cord, I will be there to say that I told you so.

[Tim's smile is greeted with a quick, relieved one. See. They're fine. They don't ever need to talk about how, somehow, so many of them went wrong. And how Bart somehow let that happen.

Bart turns the touch into a nudge, because the snicker tells him which Robin they're talking about here. He was pretty sure before, but there's only one that Tim would giggle about. So Zatanna is back in the days of the original Boy Wonder. Good to know.]

I keep telling you: you're helping. I'm gonna ask, and you're gonna cave like you always do. Or you'll cut me down and THEN help. Either way. The latter will piss him off more. You can hideout in Keystone for awhile. Get some direct input on the Mr. Sarcastic exhibit.

Winding you up never gets old, y'know.

...has anyone ever told you two you act like one of those old married couples?

[She wasn't directly implying that they were together. But only because she didn't need to. Bart's words and actions, combined with Tim's reactions, were more than enough for a strong insinuation to hang in the air.]

[Whether or not it was actually true didn't even matter. Because it was funny, and that's what did matter.]

What's the whole deal with this Mr. Sarcastic thing you keep bringing up, by the way?

[blinkblink]

Well, we've been friends basically forever. [He shrugs. There's a certain amount of secret language, mind reading, and body language that goes along with friendships like that, right? Right.

He groans a little when she asks about Mr. Sarcastic. Fine. He'll explain, because heaven only knows what Bart will say.]

Once upon a time, Batman and Robin were supposed to be urban myths, and never, ever in the spotlight. And then my team decided to do a reality mini series that Robin wasn't allowed to be a part of. So if I still wanted to be there--and I did--I needed a different alias. Thus Mr. Sarcastic was born. And then disappeared into the depths of time for very good reasons. The end.

[Um. Is this because Gay Porn Ken thing and the leather? Bart wants to point out that those were all Tim. Okay, he brought up the leather. Tim is the one who wore it.]

Yeah, not to sound like a stereotype here, but we're seriously just good friends. It's not like we're finishing sentences for each other. That'd be tough. My mind wanders too much, and he never shows his cards.

[Bart still puts both hands in his pockets and slides slowly to the right, putting a few more inches between them. He's awkwardly defensive about this and wants to ask her if she's never had a best friend before. Bart has two: this is how it's supposed to be.]

He left out the part where it was the greatest thing to ever exist. If he'd picked a catchier name, it would've stuck.

...wait, you guys were actually serious about the Reality Show?

[She'd honestly thought that was some sort of private joke between them.]

I'm all for being the center of attention, but that seems like a bit much.

[Tim makes a face.]

Yes, we were serious about it, and despite what Bart is saying, it was not the greatest thing ever. I think he means 'most ridiculous.'

We were actually serious about it, yup. Good to know that the truth is that mind-blowing.

[He gives Zatanna a thumbs up.]

No covers were harmed during the production of this reality show. Which was the most ridiculous thing ever, which is what makes it the greatest thing ever. Some of us need to lighten up in our new old age.

[Bart? Tim? Your world is officially crazy.]

[She's also sorry she missed that.]

Pass.

The paparazzi follows most of the League around as it is. ...and, for the record, yes, that includes the Dynamic Duo. I knew them on television long before we ever met in person, and Batman and my dad have been friends since before I was born.

[Which goes to show just how hard Giovanni had tried to keep his daughter out of the spotlight for as long as he could.]

Some of us had Batman scrutinizing our every move the entire time. And I am light. I'm practically floating.

[Tim's eyebrows go up at Zatanna's description of her world's League and their relationship with the press.]

That's... interesting. It's not quite like that for us. I mean--we have press that keeps an eye on the cape and tights community, but not quite like that. I think Batman would literally have kittens if he was on the news all the time.

Batman's always been a hardass. I'm surprised yanked me around a corner. By my hair. [Bart rubs at the crown of his head.] I still don't know how he did that. But. I can't complain that he made your life miserable. He made you.

This is floating? Low standards. Incredibly low standards.

[Bart quietly repeats the word paparazzi.]

Doesn't that cause a lot of copycat heroes and villains? It's bad enough now without giving people the chance to be in People.

You make it sound like Tim's a robot, Bart. Built because Batman was too busy glaring at everyone to realize he'd run out of sidekicks.

[Which...was a mental image, right up there with Batman literally having kittens, that she didn't really want.]

And not really, no. I think the real heroes and villains are well known enough that nobody would even care enough about a copycat to give them the time of day.

Not a robot. [Cheerfully.] And don't worry about him running out of sidekicks. We come crawling out of the woodwork as we're needed. [Batman needs a Robin.]

That's probably a blessing. I can only imagine how some of the bad guys would react to copycats.

[Grimace. He can imagine very well.]

Less literally built and more... trained? And some Robins are definitely better than others.

[Bart's lip curls at the bad guys' reaction to copycats remark. He hadn't thought of that one.]

Yeeeeah. Let's not go there. I don't know about your rogues, Zatanna, but I can tell you the ones in Keystone are secretly big Flash fanboys. The crazy, obsessed, I-want-to-destroy-you-with-my-love-so-I-can-own-you-forever kind.

[She pretends to give Tim a good once-over]

I don't know. I'm not completely sold.

[Either on the part of Tim being human...or just because she happens to have a personal Robin bias.]

[Then she turns back to Bart, curious about this continual insistence on copycats.]

Whatever you do, don't tell Wally that. We both know it'll go straight to his head.

[Let's go with the robot interpretation.]

If you cut me, do I not bleed? [Pause.] Which was not actually an invitation to cut me, by the way.

[Aaaaand Tim's just not going to comment on the Flash Rogues thing, because... yeah. He just frowns a little.]

If Wally's head gets any bigger, it won't fit in the cowl. So. I'm with you on not telling him. And it's really "If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh?," but no one ever gets that right.

[Bart doesn't pick up on the frown being about the Rogues - really, Tim, he can't avoid mentioning them forever. He shoots an appraising look at Tim.]

Are you ticklish?

Relax, Tim, I'm not going to cut you. I'm not from that part of New York.

[And yet her smirk widens.]

Although, there is another way to get the blood flowing...

[Sorry, Bart, the tickles will have to wait. Instead, the 15-year-old magician very gracefully stands up, walks over to him...and places a light peck on his cheek, pulling back to see if that gets him to blush (~~it usually works on Jack, and his blood was literally frozen~~).]

[Yeah, well, he worries about you, Bart. He's allowed.

And he had been about to deny any sort of ticklishness at all until Zatanna completely surprised him with the kiss.

Yes, he does blush.

A little.]

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action; I wish I had an icon of robo-Robin

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