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[controlledvariable]

Good morning Keeliai, how are we all today?

[Steph is sitting at her console, leaning back in her chair with her legs propped up on the desk. She's smiling, and for those that know her, it's the sort of smile that should be extremely concerning. Those that don't know her may also be feeling like they're about to hear something they don't want to.

She is going to be a terrible person today.]

I'm going to preface this message by saying that anyone under the age of 16, or whatever the age of legality is where you're from, should tune out now, please and thank you. I'm not gonna be explicit or anything, but it's probably not going to be appropriate for kids. [she gives a pointed look, yes you, Damian, switch off the computer now.]

I was taking an anthropology class back home, and my professor happens to be here too. [she wrinkles her nose, like yes, I know that's super weird, how do you think I feel?] And he's been giving me assignments and stuff, because apparently being kidnapped by a giant turtle isn't a valid excuse not to keep up with coursework. The topic we'd been studying before I got brought here was human sexuality, and Professor Craig suggested I write a paper on kedan sexuality instead. [Hi Bruce.] Except, uh, after the last couple weeks, I'm not really keen on that idea.

But I have been thinking about all these people with superpowers running around, and like - we've got comics back home, right? But they tend to focus on the whole defeating supervillains and stopping alien invasions side of things, which is great, sure, I love a good action story, but there's something that just never really comes up.

[she looks directly at the camera, the very picture of scientific curiosity] Do they - or, do you, for the superpowered people in the audience - ever use their powers for sex? This isn't a rhetorical question, by the way, if you have used your powers in the bedroom, feel free to share with the class.

And in the interest of not excluding anyone from the conversation, anyone who's just a regular old human, or whathaveyou, you can discuss what sort of powers you'd like to have, and how you'd use them to impress the gender-of-your-preference.

Don't feel like you have to respond directly to me, you're more than welcome to talk amongst yourselves. I figured we could use a little lighthearted chat to take our minds off the situation. Don't you agree?

[She winks, clearly trying not to laugh, and sits back in her chair to wait for responses]

Comments

[controlledvariable]

[gosh calm your tits, Brandon; she will fix it for you]

I think I can manage semi-productive flailing. Does this mean I have to stop flirting with boys on the network?

[sort of a joke, but ALSO GENUINE, how does she shot relationships etc]

[sharpes]

[he does a quick mental check. would it bother him? okay, maybe a little. but fair's fair and...]

Would you want me to stop flirting with women? Because, uh. There goes like, a good 90 percent of my conversational abilities right there.

[controlledvariable]

Nah, go for it, I try not to be the jealous type. [Sometimes this fails, but everthing is a work in progess] You're just not allowed to say they're prettier than me.

[sharpes]

No way. Not gonna happen.

[if he's going to pretend to be straight with someone it is going to be the prettiest someone he knows okay.]

[controlledvariable]

Good. [a quick kiss] Unlike some of us, my ego can't survive a fall from space.

[sharpes]

We'll work on that.

[He grabs her around the waist and nuzzles playfully at her neck.]

This is Hollywood, babe. Fake it until you make it.

[controlledvariable]

This isn't Hollywood at all. [but she's not inclined to argue too much because nuzzles.]

Not a huge fan of faking things, either.

[Like pretending she's from a world without superheroes. Like pretending she's not a vigilante.

Fuck.]

[sharpes]

Hey, New York wasn't Hollywood either. I still made do.

['faking things'. Ahahahaha

haha.

haha....

yeah.]

cries

[controlledvariable]

It was at least on the same continent. I don't think you thought this argument through.

forever

[sharpes]

[He rolls his eyes.]

What I mean is, with things like confidence you just... pretend it's there until one day it actually is. That's how it goes.

[controlledvariable]

You're the expert, are you? [That was supposed to be teasing but now she's made herself a little sad because he probably is.]

Anyway, I think most people would say I'm a little too confident.

[sharpes]

[... yeah he's just... not going to answer that question.]

Trust me, there's no such thing. 'Confident' and 'cocky' are way different ends of the spectrum.

[controlledvariable]

[she's just going to not-very-subtley hug him now]

I'll take your word for it. Not that I have a confidence problem either way.

[liar liar pants on fire]

[sharpes]

[He kisses her hair.]

Good.

[controlledvariable]

You're still welcome to shower me with compliments, though.

[apparently ignoring how terrible she is at accepting compliments]

[sharpes]

Don't tempt me.

[He so will.]

[controlledvariable]

Just don't go overboard. If you start sounding like you stepped out of a romance novel I'm getting you checked for a head injury.

[sharpes]

Not a Twilight fan?

[SO INNOCENTLY.]

[controlledvariable]

What sort of girl do you think I am?

[sharpes]

[He laughs.]

Definitely not a Twilight fan.

[controlledvariable]

Good. I'd have to break up with you right now if you thought I was.

[It's kind of weird to be able to threaten that.]

[sharpes]

[Ahahahah...]

Okay, I can't even lie, I totally auditioned for the part of Edward.

[straight face.]

[controlledvariable]

[No why.]

The only nice thing I can say in this situation is that at least you would've been better looking than whatshisface. [everything else she could say would be mean.]

Just please tell me you don't think anything in those books is acceptable behaviour.

[she says, as if Tim wasn't a bit of s creeper.]

[sharpes]

[well he likes having his ego fluffed so he just grins.]

What, the creepy, stalker-ish tendencies and the borderline emotional abuse? So over it.

[he rolls his eyes. let's face it, he's more interested in Jacob.]

[controlledvariable]

[So Tim on bad days. Steph tries not to grimace.]

Good to know, I really don't need any of that crap in my life.