video.

[langsyne]

[Good evening chelonauts, tonight you are being treated to the fine sight of one (1) bruised and somewhat bloody Ant-Man looking far more annoyed than he has looked his entire stay on this turtle. There are scrapes and cuts all over his face and his mouth is a thin line that is barely visible until he opens it to speak.]

Heads up: if any of you guys see a rooster that looks like it's been fused with a telephone box, do me a huge favor and run, not walk, in the opposite direction if you want to wake up tomorrow with still ten fingers. [He hasn't lost any of his own yet but it's only a matter of time.] I don't think there's another one of these Frankenchickens out there but just in case.

[There's long-suffering sigh and he's about to say more when he immediately gets drowned out by the rooster rattling around in its makeshift cage and crowing its little cybernetic head off. At the rate things are going, that cage ain't gonna hold it much longer and then fingers are actually going to be lost.

Scott turns and attempts to shush the rooster several times, but since the rooster listens to him about as well as everyone else does (which is to say not at all), he finally gives up and just ignores the damn thing, pinching his nose in exasperation.]

Anyone have any extra bandages? And maybe a flamethrower? You'll get paid back in chicken patties.

Comments

video; no mask

[backinakidflash]

Real chicken or robo-chicken? I'm not picking microchips out of my teeth.

video; no mask

[langsyne]

I don't know, chicken with random metal plates on it that's mostly chicken-chicken and not metal-chicken?

[He doesn't engineer metal chickens, he doesn't know what percentage pushes a chicken-chicken into robo-chicken territory.]

video;

[fdaterminator]

[Hold up!]

Did you just say cybernetic rooster? Left metal wing, left metal foot, luchador mask? Full of feathers, rage, and hate? [Just to make the description even more disconcerting, Colby keeps grinning wider with each question.]

video;

[langsyne]

Yes, yes, I have no idea what that is, and it's going to be full of stuffing if it doesn't clamp its ugly little beak together in the next ten seconds.

[Fuck this bullshit, man, why did he even bother trying to carry the dumb thing ho--wait just one second.]

You sound very knowledgeable about that thing. Why do you sound very knowledgeable about that thing? Is that thing yours?

Video;

[parallels]

Advice definitely taken. I like my fingers.

[And then she just stares at the video feed of a cyberchicken (or frankenchicken whatever) for a few seconds.]

Okay, gonna demand an explanation here. Cyberchicken. Explain.

video;

[fdaterminator]

Really? You don't know luchadors? Mexican wrestlers?

[Snorts.] You can certainly try to, but he'd destroy you and everyone in a 20 foot radius before you could touch him with that stuffing. And yeah, in fact I do know him. That's Agent Poyo, my old partner.

video

[cibopath]

[JUST THIS FACE]

Oh, God.

[video]

[flamingshortshorts]

An evil robot chicken? They have those? [He'd heard of a lot of things in the future, but robot chickens are new.]

Have you tried to trick it into crowing so you can find it? [Roosters crow, right?]

Video;

[langsyne]

[What is there to explain DOESN'T HIS FACE EXPLAIN IT ALL. God, and he actually kind of liked his face too.]

A chicken followed me home and clawed half my face off. [No, really, that's what happened.] For the record, I didn't make the chicken. I will make chicken though if it doesn't shut up.

1/2 video;

[langsyne]

[ ................... ]

video

[escarabajo]

A cyborg chicken.

[nope can't process it.]

A cyborg chicken.

[parallels]

[NO GODDAMN IT. IT EXPLAINS NOTHING.]

But why is there a cyberchicken at all.

2/2 video;

[langsyne]

Agent. This chicken is an agent and your partner and who exactly are you?

[This is a very important question and he would really like the answer so he can ignore your dumb face and your dumb chicken for the rest of eternity.]

video

[langsyne]

[ARE YOU IN ON THIS TOO. ARE YOU PART OF THIS ROBOTIC CHICKEN PARTNERSHIP CULT??]

Don't tell me you know this rooster too. Actually, please don't tell me there are more roosters like this one out there.

[That is like insta-blacklist right now.]

[video]

[langsyne]

Yeah, see, the problem with that is I don't really want to find it and on the opposite end of that I also don't want it to find me.

[Never mind that it's already in his room driving him absolutely up the wall, that's a minor detail.]

[video]

[flamingshortshorts]

...So you don't want to find the chicken, but it's dangerous? Somebody needs to catch it if it could hurt somebody.

[It's a chicken, Toro isn't really sure how dangerous it could be, but weirder has happened. ...What kind of life has he lived that he can say there are stranger things than a an evil robotic chicken.?] ...You got anything against fried foods?

video

[langsyne]

[Scott can bring it over if Jaime wants to process it up close and personal.]

Rooster, actually, but who's counting? Definitely not my fingers or my ear. Ow.

video;

[fdaterminator]

[Pulls out his badge from his pocket and holds it up the camera.] Agent John Colby, FDA. The rooster is Agent Poyo, USDA. He's a fighting rooster, what do you expect he's going to do in a strange environment? Where is he? [Who cares about you, Poyo's worth more than you will ever be. Literally.]

video

[cibopath]

No, he's the only one, thankfully. But John's telling the truth. That's Agent Poyo of the USDA. Try not to piss him off any more than you already have, or losing a finger is going to be the least of your problems.

I've seen how that bird works. Trust me on this.

[that bird is a killing machine scott]

[langsyne]

I don't know. [This is the question everyone wants an answer to.] Maybe it's What's-his-face's idea of a really bad joke and this is how we're all going to get our butts kicked.

[Fighting cybernetic chickens. It could be worse. Maybe.]

video;

[asoothingvoice]

[A cyber rooster? Judging by those scrapes and cuts, it's a good thing Bianca spent some of her initial juulan to set up the beginnings of first aid kit.]

I have antiseptic and bandages here at EA-1A.

If you come over, leave the rooster.

[She doesn't want that thing here.]

video; threadjack

[fdaterminator]

He's not a robot if that's what you're implying. You also can't afford him, so don't try it.

[parallels]

A turtleshell filled with people with amazing powers and dodgy masks better not get taken down by a chicken.

[She rolls her eyes because WOW THIS IS RIDICULOUS.]

Also you look terrible. I have some bandages that you're going to take.

Video; threadjack

[fdaterminator]

Poyo was upgraded after being injured in the line of duty. [Similar to why this random stranger has a robo-face.]

[video]

[fdaterminator]

That rooster's a Federal Agent, he's on our side. And he's not a robot.