video.

[langsyne]

[Good evening chelonauts, tonight you are being treated to the fine sight of one (1) bruised and somewhat bloody Ant-Man looking far more annoyed than he has looked his entire stay on this turtle. There are scrapes and cuts all over his face and his mouth is a thin line that is barely visible until he opens it to speak.]

Heads up: if any of you guys see a rooster that looks like it's been fused with a telephone box, do me a huge favor and run, not walk, in the opposite direction if you want to wake up tomorrow with still ten fingers. [He hasn't lost any of his own yet but it's only a matter of time.] I don't think there's another one of these Frankenchickens out there but just in case.

[There's long-suffering sigh and he's about to say more when he immediately gets drowned out by the rooster rattling around in its makeshift cage and crowing its little cybernetic head off. At the rate things are going, that cage ain't gonna hold it much longer and then fingers are actually going to be lost.

Scott turns and attempts to shush the rooster several times, but since the rooster listens to him about as well as everyone else does (which is to say not at all), he finally gives up and just ignores the damn thing, pinching his nose in exasperation.]

Anyone have any extra bandages? And maybe a flamethrower? You'll get paid back in chicken patties.

Comments

video; no mask

[backinakidflash]

Real chicken or robo-chicken? I'm not picking microchips out of my teeth.

video; no mask

[langsyne]

I don't know, chicken with random metal plates on it that's mostly chicken-chicken and not metal-chicken?

[He doesn't engineer metal chickens, he doesn't know what percentage pushes a chicken-chicken into robo-chicken territory.]

video; threadjack

[fdaterminator]

He's not a robot if that's what you're implying. You also can't afford him, so don't try it.

video;

[fdaterminator]

[Hold up!]

Did you just say cybernetic rooster? Left metal wing, left metal foot, luchador mask? Full of feathers, rage, and hate? [Just to make the description even more disconcerting, Colby keeps grinning wider with each question.]

video;

[langsyne]

Yes, yes, I have no idea what that is, and it's going to be full of stuffing if it doesn't clamp its ugly little beak together in the next ten seconds.

[Fuck this bullshit, man, why did he even bother trying to carry the dumb thing ho--wait just one second.]

You sound very knowledgeable about that thing. Why do you sound very knowledgeable about that thing? Is that thing yours?

Video;

[parallels]

Advice definitely taken. I like my fingers.

[And then she just stares at the video feed of a cyberchicken (or frankenchicken whatever) for a few seconds.]

Okay, gonna demand an explanation here. Cyberchicken. Explain.

Video;

[langsyne]

[What is there to explain DOESN'T HIS FACE EXPLAIN IT ALL. God, and he actually kind of liked his face too.]

A chicken followed me home and clawed half my face off. [No, really, that's what happened.] For the record, I didn't make the chicken. I will make chicken though if it doesn't shut up.

Video; threadjack

[fdaterminator]

Poyo was upgraded after being injured in the line of duty. [Similar to why this random stranger has a robo-face.]

video

[cibopath]

[JUST THIS FACE]

Oh, God.

video

[langsyne]

[ARE YOU IN ON THIS TOO. ARE YOU PART OF THIS ROBOTIC CHICKEN PARTNERSHIP CULT??]

Don't tell me you know this rooster too. Actually, please don't tell me there are more roosters like this one out there.

[That is like insta-blacklist right now.]

[video]

[flamingshortshorts]

An evil robot chicken? They have those? [He'd heard of a lot of things in the future, but robot chickens are new.]

Have you tried to trick it into crowing so you can find it? [Roosters crow, right?]

[video]

[langsyne]

Yeah, see, the problem with that is I don't really want to find it and on the opposite end of that I also don't want it to find me.

[Never mind that it's already in his room driving him absolutely up the wall, that's a minor detail.]

[video]

[fdaterminator]

That rooster's a Federal Agent, he's on our side. And he's not a robot.

video

[escarabajo]

A cyborg chicken.

[nope can't process it.]

A cyborg chicken.

video

[langsyne]

[Scott can bring it over if Jaime wants to process it up close and personal.]

Rooster, actually, but who's counting? Definitely not my fingers or my ear. Ow.

video threadjack

[fdaterminator]

Finally, someone with a hint of sense.

video;

[asoothingvoice]

[A cyber rooster? Judging by those scrapes and cuts, it's a good thing Bianca spent some of her initial juulan to set up the beginnings of first aid kit.]

I have antiseptic and bandages here at EA-1A.

If you come over, leave the rooster.

[She doesn't want that thing here.]

not here

[escarabajo]

[mom dont tempt the wrath of the demon rooster]

[skybluejeep]

.............This is the most amazing network post ever.

[langsyne]

[Stiles no why. There is nothing entertaining about this.]

For the amazingly low price of absolutely free, I'll let you borrow him and make your own incredibly amazing network post.

[video]

[witchnotwarlock]

You know how you throw blankets over parrot cages and that makes them shut up for awhile? Maybe you could... throw a blanket over the cage and see if it works? [IDK MAN what the hell are you supposed to do with this!?]

1/2 [video]

[langsyne]

[IDK MAN Billy use your magic powers and make the evil rooster go away. :(]

.....That's a good idea, hold on.

[Scott disappears off-screen for a little bit, and all that can be heard is the sound of angry rooster shrieking and annoyed grown man muttering.]

text;

[redjay]

I have a bazooka but you guys look like you're getting along swell.

text; threadjack

[cibopath]

So does the rooster.

video;

[dustonmyfeet]

And you thought sky bison were weird.

[So helpful, Toph.]

You okay?

video;

[langsyne]

[The most helpful.]

Hey, I think a lot of things are weird, and I get along just dandy with most of them provided they don't try to make me into Scott salad.

[Another sigh.]

I'll live. Granted, it might only be with one ear but that's still living, right?

video;

[trainwrecked]

[Bucky might be a little late. But he's definitely a little amused.]

Rooster.

[Beat, and then with genuine concern.]

Did you actually lose any fingers?

video;

[langsyne]

[Why does everyone find his pain funny? What did he do to deserve this life?

But in answer to Bucky's question, Scott holds up both hands. There are scrapes all over both of them, but thankfully, all fingers and thumbs are still attached.]

Not yet but I'm counting down the seconds. You got any extra fingers I could borrow in case I lose one?

video;

[pandoricas]

A... what?

[Rory's seen weirder things, but that still sounds pretty weird.]

video;

[langsyne]

[Apparently the turtle is the perfect place to see weird things at.]

A rooster. Made of some metal bits. And also likes to bite fingers off.

[He is so matter-of-fact about all this now.]

video;

[zinthosmantra]

Should... we ask?

video;

[langsyne]

[That is a very open-ended question, Raven.]

Ask what? The chicken to stop, or why I even have a chicken in the first place?