05 ☣ TEXT & VOICE;

[angermanaging]

Looking to gather some info. Please respond with succinct list of what you would consider unalterable laws of reality in your home dimension, e.g. gravity, conservation of mass, particular laws of magic.

Will attempt to compile results into meaningful commonalities across dimensions. Maybe there's a universal law somewhere.

Would prefer text response if possible. Thanks.

B. Banner

[The message is then repeated in audio, if preceded by Bruce clearing his throat, for those that can't read English.]


[Voice | 60% encrypted to castmates & established CR.]

Finally got fed up with everyone talking over my head and made a trade to see my future.

[A beat.

In utter, dry exasperation,] You're all nuts. What kind of teamwork was that?

[ooc: Bruce is now post-Avengers! If you're not sure if you're established CR, ping me and I'll let you know if they're included, but feel free to play fast and loose.]

Comments

[manofiron]

How'd it work? Seeing the future. Was it like a movie or a dream or what?

[angermanaging]

You get pushed into a pool, and then it's sort of like you're a ghost floating behind yourself, watching everything happen.

Kind of creepy, but not bad. Like a very 3D movie.

[manofiron]

[ Why does it always come down to being pushed into water? ]

I hate 3D movies. Misses the point of a movie. If I wanted virtual reality, I'd just make some virtual reality. It's not difficult.

So what are you going to do now that you've seen the future? Go to Disneyland?

[angermanaging]

I've never been to one. Not a hot commodity where I spend my time.

[He's shrugging, not that he can see it, but maybe some of it comes out in his voice.] Give Loki another pounding next time I see him? He'll probably show up here again.

[Ah, fatalism. His old friend.]

[manofiron]

Tall Loki with the mangy hair, right? Not the pint-sized one. He's cool. You know, for Loki.

[angermanaging]

... What pint sized one?

[More skeptically,] If you think he's cool, then I think he's playing you.

[manofiron]

The little one. That's here. Loki, teenage god of Angry Birds.

[angermanaging]

Should I ask why he's 'god of angry birds' as a teenager?

[manofiron]

When he got here, he asked me to fix his cell phone so he could play Angry Birds. So I did. Now it's kind of turned into a thing.

[angermanaging]

You realize that doesn't make any more sense to me.

I haven't owned a cell phone in... I don't know. A decade.

[manofiron]

It's a video game. You slingshot birds at pigs. Don't ask, I don't know why. I don't know why people play it either, but Loki apparently enjoys it.

[angermanaging]

Loki plays cell phone games? What kind of Loki is this?

[Because he's totally prepared to 'keep an eye on him' if need be. Bruce doesn't take it well when he's manipulated for someone else's gain, and having his feelings toyed with and the change induced makes his grudge indelible.]

[manofiron]

A kid. A teenager. I guess it's another alternate reality thing.

[angermanaging]

[Dryly,] There's a lot of that going around.

[manofiron]

Tell me something I don't know.

[angermanaging]

If mine shows up, you should take him with a grain of salt. He sounds like a dick.

[Bruce doesn't often use harsh language, but he thinks it's merited in this case.]

[manofiron]

You're going to have to clue me in on your criteria for what constitutes being a dick.

[angermanaging]

[Okay, he can't totally contain himself on this one. Bruce hasn't had anyone he'd trust enough to tell this to aside from Betty, who's sort of the source of the problem, and he's frustrated enough that it wants to come out.]

He got-- Betty turned into a Hulk. A Hulk. There's multiple. And he cheated on her.

That's just the beginning.

[It's pretty obvious that he's taking all of it as a personal affront, too.]

[manofiron]

[ Who the hell is Betty? ]

Really? Because it sounds like the middle to me.

[ Wouldn't it be better to have more Hulks? Then Hulk wouldn't be alone. ]

All right, so, he's a cheater and a... Did he turn Betty into a Hulk?

[angermanaging]

[Don't ask him who Betty is. Bruce doesn't have words for that. Her name has slipped out more easily now that he's talking about the other one, but talking about his isn't getting any easier. In fact, it's getting harder.]

He didn't stop it, [he says tightly.] And she-- she killed people. She couldn't help it.

He wasn't even there.

[There might be a little projection going on here. Just a little.]

[manofiron]

[ Well, that clears up exactly nothing. Except that Betty killing people is bad, which isn't that shocking since anyone killing anyone is usually frowned upon. ]

Okay, can you pretend that I'm not pyschic for a minute and tell me who Betty is? Because I feel like that's probably a critical aspect of why Dick Bruce is a dick.

[angermanaging]

[Right. There's no reason Tony would know who she is.

Bruce struggles silently with what to say for a few long seconds of silence, grateful that this is voice and Tony can't see how much passes over his face. Unbridled emotions that he can't contain. It seems wrong, utterly wrong, that he knows about his father and not about Betty.

It's that more than anything that lets him say, flatly,] In that universe, she's his wife. I never had a chance to ask.

[manofiron]

[ It's the silence as much as it's the flatness in his voice that tells him that this is a sensitive topic. Especially when he figures out the meaning of that last comment. Someone Bruce wanted to marry that some other Bruce got to have and subsequently screwed up.

Right. Tony knows he's the last person who should be touching this. He's never had a relationship that worked, or been with someone he wanted to marry. Except once, and the less he thinks about Sunset the better. But he can do this. He'll just pretend that he's JARVIS. JARVIS knows how to talk to people. ]

So if he shows up here, we show him what we think of guys who go to the Howard Stark School of Marriage. Sound good?

[ There. It doesn't pick at the issue and it's a little sharing of his own. This is how adults communicate. Right? ]

[angermanaging]

[That effectively plants another red flag in the subject of Tony's father. Potential abuse, or at least some reason to feel like he needs protection from him, and now Bruce learns that he'd done something equivalent to turning his wife into a Hulk and cheating on her.

Suffice to say, if Howard Stark shows up instead of another Bruce Banner, he isn't going to get any warmer a reception.]

I don't want to show him anything. I should probably just be kept away from him, or it might get a little... heated.

He probably won't like me any better than I'll like him. [That isn't hard to predict.]

[manofiron]

Maybe we should just work on plugging the hole. Stop reality from leaking over like this.

[ Of course, if they do that... Well, what does it matter? He has JARVIS and Dummy. His family's already here. ]

Where'd you hear about Dick, anyway?

[ And just like that, this other Bruce Banner will forever be Dick as far as Tony's concerned. ]