05 ☣ TEXT & VOICE;

[angermanaging]

Looking to gather some info. Please respond with succinct list of what you would consider unalterable laws of reality in your home dimension, e.g. gravity, conservation of mass, particular laws of magic.

Will attempt to compile results into meaningful commonalities across dimensions. Maybe there's a universal law somewhere.

Would prefer text response if possible. Thanks.

B. Banner

[The message is then repeated in audio, if preceded by Bruce clearing his throat, for those that can't read English.]


[Voice | 60% encrypted to castmates & established CR.]

Finally got fed up with everyone talking over my head and made a trade to see my future.

[A beat.

In utter, dry exasperation,] You're all nuts. What kind of teamwork was that?

[ooc: Bruce is now post-Avengers! If you're not sure if you're established CR, ping me and I'll let you know if they're included, but feel free to play fast and loose.]

Comments

[angermanaging]

Maybe I should meet the rest of the club.

[More seriously,] You want to talk about them? [Bruce certainly isn't going to reciprocate on talking about his daddy issues, but he can stand hearing them without incident.]

[jirk]

You've met Kyle.

[A bit of a helpless little shrug. And then he-- thinks about it. He honestly does. But then he shakes his head.]

No. Maybe if you get me really drunk, but do you even make enough money for that?

[Teasing, just a bit.]

[angermanaging]

Oh. Right. I think we live near each other. [If Bruce ever went home...]

I think I make plenty of money now, [he says wryly.] Tony's probably going to give me a raise. But I don't drink, so it might not be... fun. For you.

[jirk]

[Oh Bruce, if you only knew.]

Stark? Wait, he's back? I thought he--

[Trails off. As another horrifying thing occurs to him.]

You don't drink? At all? Courtesy the-- [INARTICULATE HANDWAVE.]

[angermanaging]

[Eyebrow raise.] He's been back for months. There's two of them now.

And... yeah. Sometimes I have one. [Bruce doesn't consider this any great loss, given his preexisting dislike of drinking. Just to add fuel to the fire, he says dryly,] I don't have caffeine most of the time, either. There's a list of things I can't do.

[jirk]

Huh. I don't pay much attention to the-- you know.

[Jim honestly hates the network. He spends as little time on the damned thing as possible, he'd rather be out doing things, meeting people, not sitting at a console. He gets enough of that back on the Enterprise.]

What the hell, man. Next thing you'll tell me you're celibate.

[angermanaging]

He's been a little busy, [Bruce says vaguely. He doesn't want to spill Tony's secrets and say mostly he's been holing up in his apartment drinking and working and not sleeping, especially after that thing in Death.

Then that other comment warrants the dryest look ever.] I am. There's this problem with my heart rate...

[jirk]

[He just blurts out,]

Oh my god.

[What. Just. No. No. HIS EXPRESSION IS COMPLETELY HORRIFIED HOW IS THIS A THING.]

[angermanaging]

[Meanwhile Bruce is treating this like nbd. Okay, he's incredibly frustrated, it's been ten years since he's gotten any, but it's so not the thing he misses the most from normal life.]

This is the thing that horrifies you?

[jirk]

[You wouldn't ask that question if you had any idea how often Jim uses his dick, okay.]

Wh-- yes it horrifies me! Christ, man. I hate your life. On your behalf. Signed and sealed.

[angermanaging]

[Thankfully, Bruce has no idea how often Jim uses his dick.]

Uh... Thanks. I try not to think about it too hard. [Seeing as how he can't change it.]

[jirk]

[Do you live under a rock he's probably stuck it in at least ten percent of the women you've talked to of legal age, gosh.]

No kidding.

[But it's still not pity. He's never been one for it.]

[angermanaging]

[Wow he seriously doesn't want to think about that. Other people's sex lives... No.

He appreciates not being pitied, at least.] You're not going to go on some kind of quest to figure out a way to get me laid, are you?

[jirk]

[HANDS IN THE AIR.]

I figure you've probably tried everything worth trying already.

[angermanaging]

[Dryly,] Thanks. I wasn't looking forward to the... misguided attempts.

[jirk]

[... okay he can't resist,]

Unless you want to try sleeping with me.

[trollface.jpeg.]

[angermanaging]

[Complete deadpan.]

Because sleeping with you would be an... exception to my physiology?

[jirk]

Well, I am James Tiberius Kirk. I've kind of made a career out of being everyone's exception.

[This is why Jim loves teasing you, Bruce.]

[angermanaging]

[Because he gets snarky? Because it's so easy?]

The temptation is nearly overwhelming, but I'll pass. I'm straight.

[And really, your middle name is Tiberius? Bruce isn't forgetting that one.]

[jirk]

Seriously, people still do that?

[Categories? Fuck categories.]

[angermanaging]

They do in 2012. They don't still do that?

[Not that Bruce has strong feelings about his sexuality (he objectively doesn't care), but he's never been attracted to anyone that wasn't a woman before, back when he could feasibly act on said attraction.]

[jirk]

[He shrugs.]

We've got bigger things to worry about in the twenty-third century, I guess.

[angermanaging]

So you're all beyond that? [he asks doubtfully, trying to imagine it.] You just-- with whoever you want?

[jirk]

Race, species, gender. I mean, some people are still a little weird about it, but you've always got those types, you know? For a lot of people it's less about their daughter dating another girl and more about her bringing home an Andorian these days. Even the most stubborn bigots would rather take the girl.

[He gives Bruce a thoughtful look. An Earth without the Eugenics Wars is a weird place to think about.]

The way I see it, just about everybody's got an exception to their rules.

[angermanaging]

[Bruce doesn't really think about this stuff too much. Considering he's sure of his sexual orientation and he can't have sex, social concerns have taken a serious backburner in his mind.

But he's not unkind, and he understands the message here.]

Yeah. Well. People don't work so well with rules. And you definitely have a chance to-- exercise that open-mindedness, around here.

[Has Jim slept with kedan? Does he want to know?]