♒1st Text

[unconchonable]

[Eridan had been here for a few hours now, pretty unhappy with it all. He had places to be, flying dogs to form alliances with, you know. IMPORTANT STUFF. But it seemed that any of his complaints have been rightly ignored by the locals, so that was when he decided to turn his attention to his networking device. Clearly complaining on there will get something accomplished.]

by courtesy a the locals of this place ivve been wwell informed of wwhere i am or wwhat this place evven is
doesnt sound all too fuckin different from wwhere i came from but obvviously glaringly different at the same time and perhaps i owwe wwhoevver snatched me up from my owwn wworld
or rather lack there fuckin of
howwevver i cant turn a blind ganderbulb to the fact that its bloody inconvvenient in the same right
if i wwanted to be here i most certainly wwould havve come here a my owwn vvolition seein as i got matters a GRAVVE import to be dealin wwith
but i suppose that hardly fuckin matters
wwhatevver
also wwhat the fuck is wwith these devvices and not allowwin me to pick my most royal fuckin blood color
typin in this pitch shade is distractin and utter BULLSHIT
i guess the lot cant rob me of my quirk entirely but it aint the fuckin same
howw the hell am i supposed to alert the masses a my kick ass royal standin noww
i guess i could inform evvery sad siltlicker i come across but thats far more wwork than one a my caste deservves to be saddled wwith
i suggest this gets fixed stat or youll havve the wwrath a the prince a hope on you and i aint the troll to be triflin wwith

Comments

audio;

[bacondivination]

All aboard the Fail Express to Failsville, population: you. What are you even keysmashing about?

audio;

[unconchonable]

[Audio? Fine, he'll switch to that he guesses.]

You're hilarious, you'd fit right in with the slime-addled purplebloods with that shitty sense a humor. And I ain't keysmashin', I'm filin' a fuckin' complaint for what wrong this place has done to me, you'd know that if you were in any way literate.

audio;

[bacondivination]

I am the most hilarious, but not even remotely slimy. I bathe, thank you. Now, to address your most serious of issues? I'm totally the guy for that. Complaints department right here, let's see what we can do for you.

audio;

[unconchonable]

I'we yet to see any shred a ewidence that implies that claim has any iota a truth to it at all.

You are, are you? [Not sure if he believes...] Well then. How about you start with makin' this infernal dewice capable a projectin' my color proper, I won't stand for this absolute debasement.

audio;

[bacondivination]

Okay, gotcha. I'll put in a technical ticket ASAP-ity. Infernal dewice won't project appropriate color? Uh huh, got it.

What else you got for me? Might as well cover everything.

audio;

[unconchonable]

[Not that Loki can see it, but man does he glare when Loki mocks his accent.]

I'we my doubts on your constitution to get ewery complaint handled, because first most would be goin' back to where I came from - bleak though the hope a that situation is - and I'm certain that ain't within your abilities.

audio;

[bacondivination]

Nope. People slated for ritual blood sacrifice like you don't get a choice in that matter.

audio; 1/3

[unconchonable]

Yeah I thought as--

audio; 2/3

[unconchonable]

[..............]

audio; 3/3

[unconchonable]

WHAT?!

audio;

[bacondivination]

They didn't tell you? Well, Hel, they should have told you. Things have been crazy lately.

But yeah, it looks like the latest batch of arrivals should be going into the ritual blood sacrifice at the end of the week. Keep hydrated, alright? We need everything we can get.

audio;

[unconchonable]

[He's not sure if he should believe this, but this guy sounds... so convincing? He's never been good at sarcasm as it is, but...]

No--look, you're bee essin' me somethin' fierce. I--I know total fuckin' hoofbeast shit when I hear it. I don't beliewe you.

audio;

[bacondivination]

[ There's nothing even remotely sarcastic about what he's saying. Tone of voice, pace of delivery, all of it sounds more like faintly bored telephone customer service rep than anything. ]

Hey, I'm not the Emperor. I just work for her. Personally, if I made the rules? We wouldn't go through all this trouble of settling people in for a week or so.

audio;

[unconchonable]

Fuck that and fuck you. You lot can fuckin' try an' take me, but I'll slaughter each an' eweryone a you if you think I'm gonna take part in some shitty ritual.

audio;

[bacondivination]

If you've a problem with it, you'll want to take that direct to the Emperor back up at the palace. It's hardly worth a murderous rampage.

audio;

[unconchonable]

Oh you don't think so? Well I think it is, I rather wipe out ewery one a you if it's what I gotta do to ensure my fuckin' surwiwal. I'll take out your Emperor too, I ain't the type a troll you wanna cross.

[First day and he's already plotting on killing the big cheese, good job Loki.]

I suggest you tell your worthless leader that I ain't fearin' his blood ritual bullshit, nor am I to be any part of it if he wants to ensure his own surwiwal.

audio;

[bacondivination]

Wow, rude. I said 'her' earlier for a reason. This is the modern era and women can be emperors if they want to. That whole misogyny thing does not fly here.

audio; private & encrypted

[skybluejeep]

Wow, dude.

There's trolling, and then there's you. I'm honestly kind of impressed.

audio; private & encrypted

[bacondivination]

Thank you, I thought it rather inspired. I like to consider myself something of an artist.

audio; private & encrypted

[skybluejeep]

I was considering jumping in and giving Duke Jumbletext of Word Salad-landia the runaround, but you beat me to it.

audio; private & encrypted

[bacondivination]

Follow your heart. You know you must not just sit back and do naught.

[ He snickers. ]

You can be tech support because, hey, I did put in a ticket.

audio; private & encrypted

[skybluejeep]

Oh, tempting. Sooooo tempting.

But I put my foot in it earlier with another new arrival, I think I'll just sit back and watch the master at work.

audio; private & encrypted

[bacondivination]

Very well then. Watch and learn, so I can let you have the next sucker that comes through. I'm a generous mischief god like that.

audio; private & encrypted

[skybluejeep]

That you are, sir.

Just don't actually drive him to bodily harm? His or somebody else's. It's more fun if he's just flustered, right.

[AHAHHA RIGHT?!]

audio; private & encrypted

[bacondivination]

[ Oh. Oh.

He knew he was forgetting something. If this had been anything but audio, it would have been obvious that it dawned on him. Maybe he shouldn't actively try to lead the guy to his death. Right. Whoops. ]

He'll be so turned around, he won't know which was was up. Hurting himself won't be an issue.

[ ...maybe.

Well, he'll try enough for plausible deniability anyway. ]