AUDIO; from a cafe; post-bottle

[nerdylilspidey]

 [Peter's not quite in the right place, mentally, to put up a video post. And he definitely isn't sure he should put it up from his own suite. So he's found his way to the nearest cafe, with an oversized hoodie pulled up over his head, and is starting up only an audio feed.]

Never a boring moment around here, is there? One minute we're normal-ish, celebrating Valentine's Day, and the next we're battling evil miasma inside a magic bottle.

Does anyone ever wonder what happened to the idea of rest and relaxation?


[FILTERED to the Spider-family]

...Sorry. About what happened back there. You-- You guys know that that-- That wasn't me. You know that, right...?

Oh, God... [There's a sigh, and then a beat of silence before he continues.] Anyway, just- I'm sorry.

Comments

[unobtainableredemption]

I've stopped keeping track. [He's pretty sure everyone has.]

Now that I think about it. There is actually one more person I've killed that you'd know.

Wolverine.

Don't worry, he got better too. That was sort of the plan.

[nerdylilspidey]

[Peter makes a face. Not an "Oh no, you're a killing machine" kind of face, but more an "You just named my least favorite vegetable in the multiverse" kind of face. Wolverine.]

Doesn't that guy like, have super-healing or something?

[unobtainableredemption]

[Interesting. From what he gathered from Wolverine on that awesome jet of his, Peter rather liked him, even if the feeling wasn't mutual.]

Which is why I said he got better. We... had a common enemy that tried to have us take each other out. [That might not be entirely true, but it was close enough. His story of how he got involved in the Assassins Guild is just too long.]

[nerdylilspidey]

[Well, if that Peter had Wolverine nearly destroy his life via temporary body switch, he might start feeling differently toward him, too.]

So he was like, what, an assassin or something? Is that why he left the X-Men?

[unobtainableredemption]

Among other things. [Belladonna's notes were thorough, but everyone's entitled to their secrets.] And what do you mean "left the X-Men?"

He's in charge of the X-Men. One of them, anyway. I killed him in his school in Westchester in front of some of his students.

[nerdylilspidey]

Yeah, Kitty always made it sound like they were looking for him or something, I don't know-

But he's a teacher?! He's in charge of kids?? He can't even take charge of his aroma!!

[unobtainableredemption]

Teacher? He's the goddamn headmaster.

And don't remind me about Kitty, I can still feel her fingers in my head.

[nerdylilspidey]

Jar.

[Peter runs a hand back through his hair, shaking his head in disbelief.] That's seriously hard to imagine.

And if you think fingers is weird, try getting walked through mid-kiss.

[unobtainableredemption]

Tell me about it. [Because he hung out with the guy. He didn't strike him as a teacherly type.]

Wait, you and... Kitty Pryde?! [How the hell did that happen?]

[nerdylilspidey]

Not gonna lie, I'm scared for your world's X-Men now.

Oh, uh- Yeah? We, uh. W-We dated for a while.

[unobtainableredemption]

The place was actually pretty well put together. [Yeah, Kaine was surprised too.] Aracely liked it well enough. [Then again, there seems to be very little Aracely doesn't like.]

Huh. I don't even know if my Parker knows Shadowcat.

[nerdylilspidey]

...Color me even more shocked. [Then again, maybe that could've stopped what happened to the X-Men in Peter's world. Who knew?]

Seriously? He doesn't go to all the same superhero shindigs as me? 'Cause that's totally how Kitty and I met. [Not really.]

[unobtainableredemption]

I'm not Parker's keeper. Hell, I was still in prison when I heard he actually joined the Avengers. That was a surprise.

[nerdylilspidey]

..Okay, I will totally go back to the prison thing in a second, but first- Other Me is an Avenger?

[unobtainableredemption]

[Has he not mentioned his multiple prison stays yet?]

Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction to it too.. And they're as much of a pain in the ass as I imagined them to be. [That's a lie. They were nothing but civil during Spider Island. That hasn't stopped Kaine from being paranoid about the whole incident.]

[nerdylilspidey]

[Details, girlfriend. Details.]

I'd ask for more on that, but I'm thinking our definitions of "pain in the tuckus" might be just a little bit different. Wow anyway?

[unobtainableredemption]

[Eventually.

Kaine shrugs. That's definitely true.] I thought you said you worked with your... Ultimates. [God that's such a stupid name. And he thought the Avengers were a dumb name.]

[nerdylilspidey]

[You promised honest answers today, bro. Keep 'em coming.]

I... Kind of? They started to like, train me. But then- Yeah. [He shrugs, pushing a hand back through his hair.] I've helped them a couple of times, though? Just never officially part of the team or anything.

[unobtainableredemption]

[Yes. Answers. He never said he was going to be freely forthcoming with information.]

That was where I thought Parker was with the Avengers. A lot changes in 3 years, I guess.

[nerdylilspidey]

[But if Peter asks...]

A lot changes in just one year, too. To be fair.

[unobtainableredemption]

[He'd mention it.]

True. [A year was all it took for Ben to be the Scarlet Spider, Spider-Man, and dead.]

[nerdylilspidey]

[Excellent~

Also, Ben and Peter would have so much to bond over if they ever met.]

...Sooooo- Prison for three years?

[unobtainableredemption]

About, yeah.

Did you miss the part where I've told you multiple times I'm a murderer?

[nerdylilspidey]

I conveniently glazed over it. I am a teenager.

I didn't know you got caught and convicted and- Did you escape prison?

[unobtainableredemption]

[He sighs. This is a long and complicated tale. How to shorten it...] Seeing as I'm Parker's clone, I have his DNA. So did Reilly. Guess whose DNA was found on the people I killed?