tushanshu | 05 ❄ ( voice )

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05 ❄ ( voice )

[ Jack has come back to the city after his fight with Kyle and his talk with Bucky at the shell's edge. He isn't quite ready for video replies yet, knows that despite the usual cheerful timbre he's forcing into his voice it won't cover the fact that his eyes are sad and hollow. ]

Has anyone seen Periwinkle? I went to her suite to give her fresh snow but she's not there and it looks...

[ he fumbles for the right description ]

Unused.

[ private to Finnick ]
Sorry I haven't figured out those other lures yet, I... something-- kind of came up. I take it you saw the announcement?

[ private to Damian ]
I... wanted to apologize, for what I said to you on the sled hill. When you brought up-- I, I just shouldn't have snapped back at you like that. I don't have any right to say who trusts you and who doesn't. I'm sorry.

[ private to Kyle ]
... please don't tell everyone about the snow. I get it, okay? It was wrong and fake and cheating and a horrible thing. But just let them have a good memory of it and-- and I won't spread any more snow like that around. Please. I'll... I'll do whatever you want.

[ He doesn't think he could take it if all the people who thanked him for the snow day suddenly turned on him for it. The ones who'd had their hearts lightened enough to even be able to see him for the first time. ]

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[Well that answers that. For all his curiosity, Costigan finds himself in an awkward position, torn between prying more and distracting him entirely. He's not good with kids, especially those who get upset easily, and Jack seems like one of those types -- at least in his limited experiences.]

Can you fix it?

[It's the natural progression, right? If they can do something about it, they will. If they can't, he'll make the kid talk about something else.]

I don't know how I could. The problem isn't just something I did... it's me being me.

[ He picks up the tart and holds it, his intangibility wrapping around it until it also fades from view -- he'd never thought much about how that worked, but he felt suddenly glad for it and supposed it would put Costigan's blood pressure up far less than watching the tart bobbing in midair and being invisibly eaten. ]

I'm sorry. I don't mean it to seem like I'm giving you a riddle.

Don't apologize, kid. I get it.

[Because he spent enough time undercover to know exactly what the kid means, if in a different way. It's not him or something he did, but what he is at his core and what that lifestyle means. Costigan doesn't need to push any more to understand that concept or what it means for their friendship.

He glances at where the tart disappeared before looking out at the area around them, watching people meander by in an idle way as he thinks about what to say to Jack. It seems like a distraction is best.]

You have any secret method to help people see you that you haven't told me about?

[ The distraction works and Jack chuckles around a mouthful of tart, swallowing before answering. ]

I could always have Bunny hit you over the head with one of his boomerangs. He's here now, he got here on the same weekend I made all the snow.

[ Not that he suspected Costigan would have any better luck seeing the pooka than Jack himself, but the image was still kind of funny. ]

[Costigan's face looks as utterly confused and suspicious as he feels. Dealing with Jack Frost is one thing, but other fictional characters? Jack's not exactly helping the undercover's belief.]

Bunny?

I know, I know. One of us at a time.

[ Jack's tone has become slightly impish, but he knows this is shaky ground so he lets the subject slide away easily. Besides, he's all right with turning the conversation away from himself for a little while. ]

So what about you? Did you find a better job like you were looking for?

[Costigan's silently more grateful than he even realizes at Jack's tactful shift to a better conversation. He allows himself to be taken in the new direction, not wanting to think too much about what might exist and lose what faith he has of Jack in the process. Faith, God. The undercover idly reaches up to touch the medallion he wears beneath his shirt as he gives a facial shrug.]

I think so, yeah. Arthur offered me a security gig. You know him?

Not really, no... but I think he might be Ariadne's friend? I saw them talking together in the snow that day while they were looking at some of the ice sculptures.

[ He'd been flying overhead, decided not to interrupt Ariadne to see if she'd liked her icy Paris, brought it up later instead. It was only their bearings which prompted him to call the pair friends; he hadn't been close enough to overhear anything and had moved on shortly after. ]

Yeah, I think he is.

[He confirms, almost immediately. Costigan's natural inclination would be to ask more questions, to press for information, but he intentionally opposes that when speaking with kids like Jack, people he cares about. Arthur is Ariadne's business associate, he knows that. Like he knows the two know Cobb and Freddy somehow. But that's a complicated mess that he's still trying to puzzle out.

Costigan leans forward onto the table and takes another sip of his coffee, glancing briefly at the empty chair before him before looking out at the people again.]

You think it's possible to live here? To get comfortable and have an actual life here, beyond just working and serving the Emperor's whims?

[ Jack gave a thoughtful hum, looking out over the other patrons scattered around the cafe's seats, closed his eyes and listened to the pleasant murmur of conversations before responding. ]

I think there's a good reason that the saying is, "home is where the heart is".

[He considers that, his frown growing comfortable on his face as he glances down to his drink.]

You think it's the right thing? That we should get comfortable here?

[ Jack traces a small but intricate pattern on the table, thinking over his response. He hasn't been here as long as some of the others, and everyone had different motivations for wanting to return home -- or not, in some select cases -- but Costigan was asking his opinion so that was what he gave. ]

... No. I think we should keep trying to find a way back to where we're supposed to be. A lot of us have responsibilities we have to get back to, friends and family we want to see again.

But... if for some reason that's not possible -- and there's nothing saying it's not, but as a what-if -- I think there could be a lot worse places that someone could be stuck in than Tu Vishan, and worse people to be stuck with.

[Costigan watches the frost appear on the table, then seems to realize he's basically focusing on something half imaginary. He immediately takes a sip of his coffee and straightens as he listens to the voice coming from nowhere.]

How do you know? [A beat, then he clarifies.] I mean, if it's impossible to leave. Do we spend our whole time we could have been living struggling for something that's not possible? Or do we give up and risk never getting back?

[His voice is the same volume as before, but there's something softer about it. It's the kind of rare vulnerability that he doesn't show or express often, and never with people he doesn't trust at least a little.]

I don't know for sure. None of us do.

[ There's honesty in Jack's tone, a wisdom that doesn't seem to fit with the teen he sounds like. ]

But there's still trust in good things that can happen. That's why you wear that medallion, right?

[Costigan's gaze snaps over at the chair at the mention of the medallion. He frowns slightly at the empty space, at not being able to see Jack, and then looks down to his coffee again. The undercover's fingers follow the chain to the coin before he drops his hand away.]

It's not that simple.

[ Jack smiles knowingly even though Costigan can't see it. ]

Ah... I guess so.

[He offers a pointed, disapproving frown at the place where he knows Jack to be. This time, it's definitely directed at the kid.]

You're lucky I even believe in you. Don't test that.

[ Jack is silent for a moment, less from the frown (which he expected) and more from the cutting remark. ]

We already tested that, remember? You stopped being able to hear me. You don't have to remind me that I'm lucky to be believed in, Billy... there's no way I'd ever take that for granted.

[Costigan lifts the hand not holding his coffee to rub at his face. He allows his eyes to drift closed as he thinks of what to say, of how to put it. The things he hates saying, but he feels like maybe the kid needs to hear.]

I mean I don't know what I believe in, alright? [He says finally, with a sigh, clearly not keen on admitting as much.] Jack Frost, Saint Jude, any of it. I know that God exists. I can never not believe that. But the rest of it?

[He shakes his head and, for a second, genuine pain appears on his expression. Then he quickly controls it.] I don't know, Jack.

[ softly: ] It's okay not to know.

[ He reaches out, wanting to put a reassuring hand on Costigan's arm to convey he understood just how hard this was for him... but he can't. Jack's fingers curl just before touching the man's sleeve, remembering the way he'd shied uncomfortably away from the brief contact inside the shop where he'd taken back the money. ]

And look, I'm in no way putting myself on the same level as a saint but... if I had the choice, I'd want to be as real as someone needed me to be, no matter what that meant.

[Costigan opens his eyes and glances down to his arm where the faintest hint of cold brushes past, wondering if Jack had done something or if he's just imagining it. The undercover drops his gaze and then immediately lifts it again to look out at the people, masking the pain but still not quite his usual hardened self.]

I want to see you. [He replies after a short silence stretches between them.] But I can't change that. Not right now.

That's good enough for me, Billy. I know it seems weird, but it is. That means more to me than the people who could see me right off the bat.

[Costigan allows another silence before giving a single nod in acknowledgement of Jack's words. How did his efforts to cheer the kid up end up in him spilling his own secrets? It's embarrassing; he's getting soft. The Bostonian shifts and takes a long sip of his coffee, that emotional wall visibly rising again as Costigan's expression neutralizes again and his posture stiffens with the tension of his muscles.]

How's work going?

Edited 2013-04-02 02:45 (UTC)

[ It was almost a visible change, but Jack didn't mind it. It was part of who Costigan was and Jack liked the man, prickly attitude and all. ]

It's getting busier. With the rationing, everyone's sending their supplies all over the place so I'm flying twice as many deliveries. It's weird, I'm actually getting tired by the end of the day and have to nap... usually I don't need to do that except after big blizzards.

[ He hasn't quite put the fact that it's getting warmer together with the increase in tiredness, not yet. ]

Are you doing alright for food?

[Rationing. Costigan doesn't mind it so much, aside from the lack of tobacco, but he knows that others are having a harder time. He's been trying to keep an eye on them, casually, in the hopes of avoiding or defusing tensions between the citizens and the foreigners.]

Making enough money?

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action - and then I forgot to tag for almost a week. whoops.

aww, s'ok

<333 sorry

it's cool!

omg dw stahp with the accidental bans/etc

ahaha yeah, I finally had to change my hover menu settings

...that's a thing you can do?

Account Settings -> Display -> Hover Menu

fancy! Thanks!

np!

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