Mission 1 - This isn't where I parked my bike

[tony_redgrave]

[The feed clicks on to a new face, a severely annoyed and unimpressed face. The broadcast is from one of the cafe booths, because this guy just cannot sit still for long, even when he feels a lot like death warmed over. He leans over to peer unnecessarily close to the monitor, before slumping back in the booth with an irritated 'hnph!'.]

So, it does work. Well isn't that nice. I'm sure anyone watching this thing has done this little tango before so I'll cut out the pleasantries. First order of business, what's a guy gotta do to get a pizza around here? And second, great story about your little problem and all, but is there any way we can skip climbing the evil tower and go straight to the main event?

I'm late for a party back home, you see, and I'd really hate to miss out on the festivities. It's a pretty big gig, I'm sure you understand.

[This one has only the most pleasant social skills.]

Comments

Video: (I lied)

[grigio]

[The girl that replies isn't looking directly at the feed. She's not really focusing on anything but when she speaks it's clear it's directed at the new guy. Don't mind her. She's just been struck blind by some Halloween shit. ]

If you find a place with pizza, let me know. It's been literal years since I've had any.

Video: (|D excellent)

[tony_redgrave]

[If you think he's annoyed now he's going to be really annoyed once he realizes this place likes to mess with you on top of the whole kidnapping for an army he didn't sign up for thing.]

Woah, back up. You mean to tell me there's no pizza in this joint?

[Say it isn't so!]

Re: Video:

[grigio]

Not that I've found yet, man.

{Tragic, right?]

I'm Julie.

Video:

[tony_redgrave]

That's just great. First kidnapping, no pizza, and I'm probably not even getting paid for this gig! I'm hiring a lawyer this has to be in some kind of violation of my rights.

[It is an offense he will sue over that's how bad. But he does flash a grin, even if it doesn't quite reach his eyes. It's a distressing few days okay.]

Dante.

[video]

[unconchonable]

Ain't all too sure what a pizza is, but if you really want one, may I suggest lookin' for a place that got 'em, than just whinin' like a grub on the network for one?

Also the Emperor don't giwe a bloody fuck about your so called party. If she did, you wouldn't be here in the first goddamn place now would ya?

[video]

[tony_redgrave]

Tried that already, no dice. But great, just what I needed, on top of everything else some smart-mouthed asshole with purple hair.

[Never mind the whole portion of 'what the hell are you' because that's the most obvious question to ask in the world and he won't do it. You can't make him.]

I got that much, and the feeling's mutual. But since I'm here and not where I'm supposed to be then I'd rather get this show on the road. Not real interested in flipping burgers on turtle island for any length of time, thank you very much.

[video]

[unconchonable]

Oh do you like it? My smart-mouth I mean, I know you like the purple hair, you'd hawe to be a total tasteless idiot to not. But judgin' by the fuck ugly red coat, methinks I'we a idea where your taste lies.

[Eridan's feeling pretty sassy today, yep.]

Yeah it ain't that simple, I'we been here a perigee, maybe a little longer, and look at that, still here. I suggest you get fuckin' comfortable.

[manofiron]

What video games are you playing? The only way to defeat the villain is to go on a bunch of pointless fetch quests, fight a multitude of adversaries of slowly increasing skill, and traverse the puzzle-lined stronghold. There's no skipping to the end!

[ Color him scandalized by this notion of expediently solving the villain of the week problem. ]

There is pizza though. Ish. Ask Jack where he gets it.

[tony_redgrave]

The thing is, I've already done my time with the bullshit fetch quests and dealt with the goddamned clowning around I've been up and down the shitty rabbit hole all day it's time to put an end to this, and if they think they can just interrupt that then they've got another thing coming.

[He's scandalized by the notion of having his end game taken from him. He was almost to the boss you can't do this!]

That's the first bit of good news all day. Who is Jack?

[manofiron]

Jack Frost.

[ He lifts his eyebrows as he says it, recognizing the absurdity of it. Yet nothing in his tone is joking or sarcastic. He's serious. As serious as he ever is. ]

Sounds weird, doesn't it? It's true, though. Guy who brings the winter? Turns out he's real. And he scares up a good turtleworld version of a pizza when he wants to.

[gathersnomoss]

Since when does the all powerful evil thing ever let you skip to the end of it? Especially since this one, like the ones back home, thrive on suffering.

There's a bakery run by foreigners. I'd try there first: they probably know which foods work for putting together dishes from home.

[tony_redgrave]

Pfeh, everything's always gotta be complicated. So, what, in the meantime we sit around and wait for this Emperor to get around to giving us the game plan? Sounds fishy if you ask me, and I don't like waiting.

[He also doesn't like shutting up.]

You don't say? And just where can I find this bakery? New here, if you couldn't tell, I don't exactly know the lay of the... shell.

[gathersnomoss]

I've heard people talk about it; I haven't use it myself.

And usually something happens to keep us on our toes. You can also investigate on your own, or ask someone what we know. In person; it's listening to the network, especially if you name it. I know the people who understand networks like this are considering the problem.

[Zel isn't sure if they'll fix it, but at least someone is working on it. In the mean time, people can talk face to face[

video;

[hulkintraining]

Well, that's the thing about bad guys. They are rarely considerate of other people's schedules. [In fact, Teddy knows from experience they tend to strike at the worst moment ever.]

Can't really help you with the pizza. But if you succeed in finding some, send some my direction.

video;

[tony_redgrave]

Didn't their parents ever teach them manners? [Yeah, yeah, he knows this but he's still going to complain.]

Yeah, sure, maybe once I've had my fill.

[He's a brat but the smirk means he's only half-kidding. He might clue you in, pal, if he's feeling generous.]

video;

[hulkintraining]

I can't say. I don't usually get to know them well enough to ask about their parents. [It just doesn't seem like a polite thing to do while you're trying to pound the bad guy's face in.]

Of course. I should warn you though, the food here...even stuff that's familiar, can be a little bland. Think of it as having the generic brands of every food you can think of. It's good enough to get by on, but it doesn't often live up to expectations.

[Video]

[flamingshortshorts]

Man, pizza. Now that is something I didn't realized I missed until right now. I haven't had a real New Yorker pizza in over a year. You can't find anything like it around here.

[Video]

[tony_redgrave]

That's what I'm hearing, and I gotta say I'm damned disappointed. What kind of welcome is it, tossing us in here and then not even having the decency of a good pizza?

[Video]

[flamingshortshorts]

Good to know somebody here gets it! I'm not even sure if you can make a pizza around here with how different some of the foods. It almost makes me homesick for army rations, since they at least kind of tasted like normal foods from home. Almost. [He laughs.]

[video]

[witchnotwarlock]

I think we're all still in the level grind stage right now. And considering how long some people have been here, it's been an endless awful level to get anywhere close. [No, really. When he first got here, he compared this to a videogame. Time to choose your job!]

Also, like everyone else has said, there's no real pizza here. But if they ever get pizza going, it better be New York style pizza.

[video]

[tony_redgrave]

Just how long has this been going on, anyway?

[But he's been level grinding all day and it was awful, okay, he got swallowed by a whale and that was disgusting. Also totally picking the awesome warrior that inconveniently vanishes for half the game and forces you to level grind him again later on.]

You haven't had good pizza until you've had the authentic Italian stuff, but fat chance of getting that around here any time soon. New York style will do.

[video]

[witchnotwarlock]

I've been here a few months, but there are people who've been here for over a year. So... it's best guess?

[Wow, ugh, no, disappearing and then forcing you to level grind, when the rest of you are at level fifty? You are the worst character in the game from a player stand point. If only you weren't so awesome...]

Ugh, no way. I've grown up on Americanized pizza, you don't go back from that. [He makes a face.] ...But we don't have New York style, either. It's more like New York style pizza's half brother that you just met yesterday as a surprise.

[video]

[bludhavenknight]

Now, see, the one thing we don't have a really good grasp on here, besides cheeseburgers and chilidogs, is a good pizza. Probably because we're out of a fresh way to make cheese? [He makes a face.]

The cheese substitute isn't that great, unless you're ready to wash it down with a lot of beer. But we are working on the pig situation! So at some point, there will be bacon, and sausage. Presumably.

[video]

[tony_redgrave]

No cheese? What about tomatoes? Shit, this place really is falling apart.

[Only the most important priorities here. Tomatoes and cheese.]

Wait, wait, so what the hell is there to eat? And what do you mean 'substitute'?

[The beer better be good, man, he's going to need it after this terrible news.]

Re: [video]

[bludhavenknight]

There is cheese that... think of it as exotic cheese, and then you have cheese. There's a red fruit sauce that gets made out of red fruit, so. I don't know if this place was ever better.

[He shakes his head.] There is good food here! You just can't expect it to be exactly as it was back home. And the dishes native to each sector are delicious.

Substitute... well, we're trying to find these pigs? But pigs that may not be real. It's confusing. [The beer and liquor is amazing. And it's stronger.]