tushanshu | 001 ✦ Video

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[ It had taken Ender a few days before he even checked the network, and a few more days before he decided to place himself upon it. When the video starts, it's the face of just another child -- but one that's exhausted. From his serious demeanor and lack of a smile, he seems much older than he is in all actuality. ]

Earth -- I'm not talking about the sector -- does the name hold any significance to you? I've been wondering how many people here come from a place called Earth and just how many Earths haven't had to face the Bugger Wars. From what I've seen of the guests, many appear human overall and some even with the same technological advancements and understanding that are prominent in my world. If we're trapped in this place between life, dreaming and death, then I suppose it wouldn't be impossible to dream of the existence of alternate Earths.

[ Ender forces a smile, but that's just what it is. Forced. He's really in no mood to showcase good cheer. ]

If it isn't asking too much, even if you don't come from some variation of Earth, I'd like to know about your world. Subsequently, I can tell you anything you wish to know about mine. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has noticed that we're being kept in the dark by the natives here. What they know and what they're planning doesn't concern me as much as our lack of understanding about the universes that surround us. I feel the better we understand one another, the more trust we can put in each other and the better equipped we become as a whole to any crisis that may arise. Sometimes, in a war, the most crippling blow can be dealt not by the enemy but by lies and mistrust.

That's all. Thank you for your time.

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[ It takes Ender all he has to not break down and cry -- not because he's plagued by his xenocide (though he is) and not because he's weak-willed about it. They would be tears for Bruce and Bruce's quiet understanding. Bruce might not have said much, but he didn't have to. There's a pain there. A pain in his isolation. And Ender understands that feeling more than anything. He manages to remain strong because more than tears, he needs to smile. ]

Thank you, but you have nothing to be sorry for. The most important thing is to move forward, and to vow they will never use us again. We may be trapped in a city on the back of a giant turtle, but in a way we're free.

[ The smile curves faintly on his lips. ]

I would love to work on the garden with you. I think we could learn a great deal from the experience.

[ Not just about the plants, but about each other. Ender may have been lonely for the years of Battle School, but Bruce was older which meant he had the potential to have been lonely for a lot longer. ]

My name is Andrew Wiggin, by the way. Though most people call me Ender.

[Bruce is not at all used to being empathized with, and it takes him aback every time. Even those that like him tend to approach his situation from the perspective that he has no reason to feel guilty, that it wasn't under his control, but the thing is that it was. Maybe not easily, but it was. It all came back to being his responsibility, and it not only grates on him to hear others pretend that it isn't, it hurts. Denying his guilt isn't something he knows how to do.

He's honestly saddened to find someone that has had similar enough experiences that they can empathize with him, especially someone so young. He swallows, unable to smile or even attempt it. The truth is, Bruce has spent most of his life alone, to the extent that the moments when he wasn't lonely were punctuation marks in his life. It's just something he can't verbalize or admit to.

But aside from how private all of those thoughts are, this is a public conversation, so he says,] I've been thinking that, too. I'm more free here than I could ever be at home. That I can even say that openly... [A long exhale, pushing all the feelings down, leveling out.] I might not have anything to be sorry for, but I'm sorry that you had to go through it, [he finishes simply.]

Bruce Banner. Either one is fine. [A subtle lightening of his expression, an acceptance of forming a new connection.] The garden it is, then. I'm still getting the preliminary calculations together for water supply and scale. You can stop by Stark Industries in Fire sector during business hours and we can go over it.

[ So in the end, this may not be entirely bad. No matter what the kedan want with them, no matter what hidden goals may be going on behind the scenes -- for people like Ender and Bruce, this world has done enough good to make this experience worth it. ]

I'm glad. And I'm grateful. [ And he leaves the subject alone, moving on to this garden idea. ]

I'll be sure to stop by soon. It's something I look forward to, so thank you for including me, Bruce. [ He laughs a little. ] I'll do my homework on how to maintain a regular garden in the meantime. Think the library has any books on it that aren't poems?

[The thing is, for Bruce, it's not bad at all. He's having a hard time accepting that, but he can reluctantly admit that it's true. If Betty were here, he'd have literally everything he could want in one place, and it makes missing her gain an extra note of painful wistfulness.

With that in mind, he's happy enough to leave the subject alone and focus on his garden idea. Ender's willingness to laugh despite everything is something he silently admires, because Bruce himself is so incapable of it.]

I don't know, but if there are, I can't read them, [he says wryly, without a hint of shame.] They'd be in the kedan language. I've done a little bit of field work before, but not much, just temporarily. [He was much better suited to technical, mechanical work, and had moved on quickly in his long line of jobs.] I figured we could get the water filtration and circulation systems set up on our own, though. Someone else with growing experience can tell us what to plant.

... And don't worry about it. This is a lot for me to handle by myself. [It's as close as he can come to I like the company because he doesn't, strictly, ever prefer having company, but sometimes he doesn't entirely mind it, either.]

That makes two of us when it comes to the books. My friend from home is working on learning the language, so once he makes progress I'll let you know. Unless, of course, you're working on it yourself.

[ Ender, however, hasn't even tried to start learning. To him, learning about the foreigners takes precedence. ]

Only a little. I'm used to picking up new languages, but not in depth, and not as far from English as this one. You know someone else here? Are you from, uh, the same time?

[He can't help but ask that after how much it'd affected his own arrival and subsequent adjustment.]

Maybe if we get a team of people to try to learn together, we can all make some headway. But yeah, I know someone else here. Just one person, but really he's more than I expected.

[ The question, though, causes Ender to cant his head slightly. ]

I believe so. Why? Is it possible to come from separate times?

That's what I'm planning on. Someone expressed interest in helping to organize it, so once we have a basic plan worked out, she said she'd field volunteers. [He's very much relieved not to have that responsibility on his shoulders. Bruce tries to avoid interaction quite a bit to start with, but anything past maybe three or four people at once gets a kneejerk refusal.]

Oh, yeah. I've met several from my world, and none are from the same time as me. Either several years later, or decades earlier. It's... an adjustment.

[ Ender's eyes widen. Well...it seems as though it's a conversation he'd have to get into with Bean. It had been something he was avoiding -- talking about what happened. But that topic can't remain buried much longer if he wants to find out the truth. ]

Unbelievable. So not just worlds, but times itself. It must be strange for someone to have memories of you that you don't remember, haven't even experienced yourself.

Physics wise, time isn't much of a leap if we've already determined that trans-dimensional travel is possible. So it makes... some kind of consistency. [Sort of. He's desperate for rational thinking here, okay.]

It's more than strange, [he admits.] Not bad, exactly, more like having friends that I don't actually remember befriending. I've never even met any of them before, in my memory.

[ Ender laughs a little. ]

I suppose that's better than having enemies you never bargained for show up in this world.

I think I have one of those, too, but he's from before we meet. So hopefully we can just avoid each other.

A perfectly sound plan. The last thing you need is any conflict that isn't necessarily kedan-related.

Or any conflict at all. I try to live... conflict free.

Setting up the garden like a co-op might help with that. If I end up, uh, having input in that part of it. [This might be his initial idea, but Bruce has never been someone that cared all that much about maintaining intellectual rights to anything. He's so far from having an ego, he has self-esteem issues.]

[ :( Bruce. Ender will do all he can to bring up that self-esteem of yours. ]

I'm sure whoever else you share this project with will want it to be equal parts. But the garden will definitely help with the conflict free living. I've heard there's nothing more satisfying than seeing and nuturing something to grow with your own two hands.

[ Instead of, you know, killing ~~someone~~ something with your own two hands. ]

[First he has to get him to admit it's a problem that exists... Good thing Ender is used to impossible tasks??]

I've heard that, too. Mostly from yogis, but. I'll find out if they were right. [Anything that helps keep him calm is very much non-trivial.

That's kind of all there is to say on that topic, but he finds himself asking,] Are you... settling in okay? Do you need anything? [Bruce would probably ask this of anyone he'd just met that he'd connected with, but it is motivated here by the fact that Ender's just a kid. He's instinctively a little protective.]

[ YES INDEED. The impossible task of bringing up Bruce's self-worth is a GO. ]

I took a week to settle in, so I think I'm settled enough. Thank you. The only thing I needed from you was to meet you, and since we've accomplished that...I'm pretty sure I'll be fine.

[ Ender smiles earnestly. While he doesn't have full trust in adults, Bruce does seem like someone he wants to work with. ]

I don't want to keep you, though, if you're busy.

Taking some time was smart, [he says wryly. He really should've done it himself, but he'd been so off balance from his arrival that he'd decided to be more proactive about acclimating. To Bruce, making a post at all is considered proactive.]

--No, you're, you're not keeping me. Sorry, you probably don't need any help. [It'd been very undramatically revealed, but Bruce can piece together what he's learned about Ender and has already come up with an extremely capable picture. One that, unlike him at that age, hasn't let his life circumstances prevent him from being able to smile. He probably really doesn't need his help, but Bruce is too kind-hearted not to have made the offer.]

Whether you admit it or not, you always need help of some kind or another. I just can't figure out with what I need unless it's help with my sanity, but I'm not sure you want to tackle on that problem.

[ Ender's tone is light because if he doesn't make jokes about his issues, he'll probably let them swallow him whole. ]

I've been deprived of the opportunity to rely on people and get their assistance -- isolated for about five years. So it's something I'll have to work on, relying on people who aren't necessarily myself. Please bear with me in the meantime.

[ Especially since Ender can tell Bruce is pretty much the same way. ]

[Bruce definitely needs to work on learning how to rely on others, and he also understands having to make light of things no matter how deathly serious they are. He realizes that five years for Ender has to mean he was isolated from an incredibly young age, and it saddens him, though he doesn't remark on it. He's never thought that bringing up problems would get them solved.]

I'm probably not the best candidate for helping with either of those. [And there's his dry self-mocking there, and a small smile.] I... admire how determined you are to work on it. And open.

If I can do anything, then. I will. [It's quietly stated, no fanfare at all, but Bruce means it, sincerely.] Just let me know.

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