tushanshu | 001

[ So, Roy hasn't been around that long, but he's gotten to know Keeliai, the natives, heard about the Emperor and definitely picked up on the tension between foreigners and the Kedan, but just out right asking about What The Hell Is Wrong With This Place seems a little too obvious. And lame.

And this way is much more fun. ]

Okay so is there a part of living on the back of a giant magic turtle that isn't supposed to be completely awesome? Because a lot of you seem to be really bummed about it, and I'm starting to think it's more than just a strong case of Stick Up The Ass going around.

[ And frankly, Roy likes looking like the idiot. He raises up a hand holding some kind of Kedanian smoothie in the cafe he's seated in, and gives an 'okay, humor me' kind of gesture. ]

Let's pretend for two seconds that you're all actually the most boring people ever and the part where we're on a monster turtle isn't enough for you - you're getting what's practically a free vacation. A beautiful city on a tropical island that's really more like a cruise, and even a space you can go sit near Yurtle's massive head and zen your neurotic brains out. The closest we have to that at home is legalizing pot.

I know I'm inviting a sea of sarcastic quips to kill my buzz about the whole badass Suessical adventure, so let's try to be organized and civil about this - there's only so much scathing sardonicism I can handle at once. Please fill out the attached form and get back to me:

Your Name: Self explanatory.
Your Age: It'd probably explain some things, I'm jussayin.
Level of Suck of Your Homeworld: On a scale of Fantasia to Bambi. Just trying to keep some perspective.
Your Complaints About Our Magical Turtle Adventure: Let it all out, brothers and sisters. Testify.
Notes: Whatever. How's my hair?

Thank you for your participation! Here is a wavier for your free snow cone! Not really. Sorry.

[ Oh wait, just this last piece here: ] Also, if you know anyone who likes to run around in tights and a mask, maybe a cape, let me know? Thanks! [ A little salute, and he signs out. ]

[[ ooc; If you could, please fill out his permissions post ova hurr, and here's the html for his little questionnaire thing :>

]]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Polling does not count as knowing, alright, half these people probably think I'm a moron.

Well if we have a Pot Luck then you can prove it to the other half.

[See? He's helping!]

You are massively raising my self-esteem here, dude, be careful, I cling.

I've got to be honest, I don't really have enough friends to know whether or not that's a bad thing.

How is that even possible, you are ridiculously cool, bro-man.

I know right?
It uh...probably has something to do with the fact that I'm a hideous freak of nature forced to live in the sewers in an attempt to hide myself from humanity.

Whoa now, that is not cool at all. Beauty is on the inside, homre, and you are lovely, okay? I know a crocodile man who lived in the sewers, once, he pretty much saved my shitty life. You are too awesome to be a freak.

D'awwwwww! That's one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me. I don't suppose there's anyway I could get that in writing? You know...for posterity?

You bet your ass! I'll even frame it for you.

I'm going to hold you to that, you know.

Pffft, as if I would make you empty promises.

Hey, I don't know. You might. It's not like I have a lot of human interaction to go on. Most of what I know about you guys I learned from tv.

You get TV in the sewers? Do you have cable? So, I dunno if this is inappropriate to as, but if you're not a human, what are you?

Well yeah of course. We're not savages.

[Sheesh.]

Cable usually comes in, but our cable box is made from scratch so sometimes it scrambles. Nothing a good swift kick can't cure.

[There's a pause as Mike considers how to answer the "inappropriate question."]

oh...you know...amutantturtle.

[ paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaause.

fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff ]

Oh my sweet childhood. [ And okay he's not going to fourth wall here as much as he wants an autograph, but Manhattan sewer mutant turtle named mike, omfg. anyway. ] So A) you are now infinitely cool than me and B) I'm making you a better cable box, you'll be able to steal HBO, Showtime and ESPN HD if you want. No Manhattan mutant turtle friend of mine is going to be getting static.

[Given the turtle-shaped options available to Roy, if ever there were going to be a brother to fourth-wall...Mike would be it. But that's a conversation for a later date. At the moment Mike is mistaking Roy's mention of childhood to mean that he too used to deal with scrambled cable once upon a time.

Maybe even with Rabbit-ear antennas, though he kind of doubts that. Around these parts people were either from a place light years ahead or behind Mike...never round about the tech of 1986.]

That...um...okay? Sure. Sure, let's go with that.

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