tushanshu | 001

[ So, Roy hasn't been around that long, but he's gotten to know Keeliai, the natives, heard about the Emperor and definitely picked up on the tension between foreigners and the Kedan, but just out right asking about What The Hell Is Wrong With This Place seems a little too obvious. And lame.

And this way is much more fun. ]

Okay so is there a part of living on the back of a giant magic turtle that isn't supposed to be completely awesome? Because a lot of you seem to be really bummed about it, and I'm starting to think it's more than just a strong case of Stick Up The Ass going around.

[ And frankly, Roy likes looking like the idiot. He raises up a hand holding some kind of Kedanian smoothie in the cafe he's seated in, and gives an 'okay, humor me' kind of gesture. ]

Let's pretend for two seconds that you're all actually the most boring people ever and the part where we're on a monster turtle isn't enough for you - you're getting what's practically a free vacation. A beautiful city on a tropical island that's really more like a cruise, and even a space you can go sit near Yurtle's massive head and zen your neurotic brains out. The closest we have to that at home is legalizing pot.

I know I'm inviting a sea of sarcastic quips to kill my buzz about the whole badass Suessical adventure, so let's try to be organized and civil about this - there's only so much scathing sardonicism I can handle at once. Please fill out the attached form and get back to me:

Your Name: Self explanatory.
Your Age: It'd probably explain some things, I'm jussayin.
Level of Suck of Your Homeworld: On a scale of Fantasia to Bambi. Just trying to keep some perspective.
Your Complaints About Our Magical Turtle Adventure: Let it all out, brothers and sisters. Testify.
Notes: Whatever. How's my hair?

Thank you for your participation! Here is a wavier for your free snow cone! Not really. Sorry.

[ Oh wait, just this last piece here: ] Also, if you know anyone who likes to run around in tights and a mask, maybe a cape, let me know? Thanks! [ A little salute, and he signs out. ]

[[ ooc; If you could, please fill out his permissions post ova hurr, and here's the html for his little questionnaire thing :>

]]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

...You're 3? Your language and writing is pretty advanced for a toddler.

On the third question, it's 'How unfun is the world you come from?' There seem to be a lot of people that aren't getting modern slang. Or is this a lost in translation thing?

I'm pretty sure their reason is they're pissed that they might go hungry because they're more to feed. I dunno, man, people are dicks when they're hungry. Like those Snickers commercials.

Well, dragons do not mature at the same rate as humans, as I understand it.

We are in the middle of a war at present, so I suppose it cannot be called fun by any stretch of the imagination, but it is not all bad; there has been plenty to eat, for the most part, and my captain and I find time to read together when we can. As for your second question, it may be both: written text is not translated here, the way speech is, and our notion of 'modern' may not be the same as yours.

I can understand their anger if they are hungry, certainly, but it is not as if it is our fault that we are here, and they are unlikely to gain anything by angering us, as well: but what is a Snickers commercial?

...You're a dragon. [ Spoken a little disbelieving. ]

A war? What over, if it's alright to ask? I've heard there's kind of a time gap between a lot of people here, what with the alternate dimensions and stuff. Sorry, I'll try to be more basic.

Yeah, I can understand that. Snickers are a kind of candy bar - chocolate, peanuts, caramel. They're delicious. And commercials are advertisements on television, if you know what that is.

Yes, I am. [YUP JUST GONNA LEAVE IT AT THAT]

Well, it is 1807, or it was, and a man named Napoleon Bonaparte has declared himself Emperor, and is trying to take over Europe, and he has allied himself with my cousin, Lien; and I and the rest of the British Aerial Corps are trying to stop him.

Oh, yes, I have heard of television--several people have explained it to me here. It is like these consoles, is it not, except one might watch plays on them? And I have never had chocolate, or peanuts, or caramel before, but perhaps I might be able to find them on the turtle. I should very much like to try them, if they are as delicious as you say.

....Ooookay, whatever you say, pal.

I didn't realize Napoleon ever had dragons on his side. I'd think taking Russia would have been a hell of a lot easier in that case.

I'm not sure Snickers delivers to the realm between life and death, but if I see one around, I will totally call you up.

Well, it is as you said: a great many of us are from alternate dimensions, and it stands to reason that some of them are different from yours. I am a little surprised to hear that quite so many are completely devoid of dragons, though.

I should be much obliged to you if you did. And now I think you have the advantage of me. I have provided my name; what is yours?

Huh. Well, I guess I've seen weirder stuff. So how big are you? Like house sized? Do you give free rides? [ 8| because a dragon ride would be awesome ]

Sure - Roy Harper, at your service, your Dragonliness.

Well, I was a hundred feet long, or thereabouts, before I got here, but I have been shrunk down, and now I am barely thirty feet from tip to tail. [It's hard not to sound bitter about that, so he doesn't bother hiding it.]

A great many people have been asking me that: I suppose I should begin charging, should I not? And there is certainly no need to call me anything but Temeraire.

Holy hot damn, man you could have totally interrupted every part of a football game. Or... most any social gathering, really. Thirty's not much to feel bad about, though.

It'd be a good side job, not gonna lie. Do you have anything shorter than that?

Well, I have been invited to a few parties before, and I have not interrupted them, or caused very much of a disturbance at all, but I have never been to a football game. What is it like?

[Pause.] I do not see why I should, when it is my name.

It's a bunch of American dudes running after each other and jumping on top of each other in tights. Kind homoerotic, gotta say. Not as much as Turkish Oil Wrestling, though, but that's not part of this conversation.

Just for, I dunno, shorthand? Familiarity?

[Pause.]

Is this common entertainment in America, then? Watching people mate?

--Everyone calls me Temeraire; it is what my captain named me. [Politely but firmly: it's obviously reason enough.]

[ H-HA. HAHAHAHA. HOLD ON, GIVE HIM A MINUTE TO BREATHE. ]

You would be surprised, man. It's probably the most popular form of entertainment there is, thanks to the internet.

[ Oh, captain :O ] Yeah? Who was your captain? Captain of what?

The internet?

Oh, his name is William Laurence, and he is captain of--me, I suppose, though it is closer to say that he is mine, rather than the other way around. At present we are serving in the Royal Aerial Corps--or we were, before I was taken from London, and brought here.

Edited 2013-05-13 15:17 (UTC)

001 | Video

no subject

voice; typing on tiny console is hard with dragon claws :c

voice; uwuu he'll switch to voice too :c

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