tushanshu | 002 | Video; anonymous location

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002 | Video; anonymous location

[Colby had logged on at net cafe to see there was some sort of tribble containment effort that he had missed. Instead he sees two stoned aliens tossing the furballs out a window.]

Oh come on!! I can't be the only person actually trying to do something about these little bastards can I? Sure they look cute but at the rate they're going to eat and breed us out of house and home in... You know what, I'm not even going to waste my breath. [His red robotic eye turns blue and it projects a simulation of what will happen to the ecosystem of Tu Vishan if the tribbles continue doing what they're doing unchecked into the air. It's quick and not pretty.]

Do I have some fucking volunteers now?

I'm F.D.A., but I also used to be U.S.D.A., so I know a thing or two about animal containment. If you're too lazy or unwilling to help at least point me in the direction of an empty warehouse and/or large refrigeration units... Hell, anything that can store or stop these assholes from breeding.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You implied Gotham was in New York...?

[DID HE LOSE THE THREAD OF THE CONVERSATION SOMEWHERE WHAT'S GOING ON HELP.]

That's because it is New York. New York City, sometimes goes by the nickname Gotham for who knows the fuck why?

And while I try to be in Jersey as infrequently as possible, I do know there's no such city as Gotham there.

Well, there is the curious matter of alternate universes on the happen here...

[So cavalier. He's hardly bothered by it.]

So you mean this bullshit adds entire cities?

[HMMM, HOW TO TEST THIS THEORY wonders the hapless billionaire!]

This may seem like an odd question, but have you ever heard of a country called Themyscira?

Unless it's one of those third world countries that spawns out of some other country or changed its name every other Thursday, no.

No, it's the home of the Amazons.

[Which anyone from Bruce's world could tell you, gosh.]

[He's giving you the look. The one people give that know they're being fucked with.] Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. And where I come from, there's an island made of clouds full of unicorns.

[He actually laughs outloud.]

No, I'm being completely serious! Ask anyone. It's-- um, complicated. I'm assuming you don't have a 'Superman', either?

Edited (that was not the icon I was looking for) 2013-08-19 21:22 (UTC)

I'll give you exactly one guess.

No?

[He draws that word out, leaning on the o a little longer than he needs to, and then shakes his head.]

Well, he is here, so you can meet him if you'd like.

I've made his acquaintance. [His tone is so icy you can practically see his breath.]

[This is hilarious and Bruce is kind of a bat-troll sometimes, so his expression is all innocence.]

I'm sorry, did he make a bad impression...? I understand sometimes that superheroes can be a little intimidating, but he's always seemed like a decent sort to me.

Are all of your "superheroes" baked?

[Pensively,]

Not unless they're up against a rogue with pyrokinetic powers, usually...

[He hates you more than Clark right now.] Blazed, stoned, blitzed, fried...

High.

Why on Earth would they be-- any of those things? I imagine it would interfere with their ability to... you know, fly. Or shoot lasers, or whatever the rest of them can do.

HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I KNOW!?

All I know is your fucking Super asshole was flying higher than the NASA shuttle last I talked to him!

I suppose it's possible he wasn't himself when you were dealing with him... it's fairly common for people to impersonate him back home. He's quite the celebrity in Metropolis.

[FUCKING TRIBBLES THO?]

[Screams loudly in exasperation and hangs up. You are too much to deal with, Bruce!

He's still taking your warehouse, though.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

002 | Video; anonymous location

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