002 | Video; anonymous location

[fdaterminator]

[Colby had logged on at net cafe to see there was some sort of tribble containment effort that he had missed. Instead he sees two stoned aliens tossing the furballs out a window.]

Oh come on!! I can't be the only person actually trying to do something about these little bastards can I? Sure they look cute but at the rate they're going to eat and breed us out of house and home in... You know what, I'm not even going to waste my breath. [His red robotic eye turns blue and it projects a simulation of what will happen to the ecosystem of Tu Vishan if the tribbles continue doing what they're doing unchecked into the air. It's quick and not pretty.]

Do I have some fucking volunteers now?

I'm F.D.A., but I also used to be U.S.D.A., so I know a thing or two about animal containment. If you're too lazy or unwilling to help at least point me in the direction of an empty warehouse and/or large refrigeration units... Hell, anything that can store or stop these assholes from breeding.

Comments

[audio]

[gathersnomoss]

I have some flash-frozen in my place. I don't know if I overdid it or not, so they may be dead. They're wily things; don't let your guard down around them, even for a moment.

[Someone spent far too much time petting the tribbles before realizing what he was doing. Which may be why Zel resorted to ice magic instead of just using the technology in the kitchen.]

I haven't ruled out eating them. There's only two people I let eat my food without permission, and both are far more useful.

[Okay, a few others could eat Zel's food, but everyone else on that list would probably ask first.]

[audio]

[fdaterminator]

I'm not PETA, I don't give a fuck if a couple of these things wind up dead. It's going to happen, and I won't lose sleep over it. More importantly... what'd you freeze them with?

[Colby might have one chilling on his shoulder. NBD.]

You can try, but I doubt there's any meat on these things. If they didn't eat I'd be convinced something is shedding.

Re: [audio]

[gathersnomoss]

Magic.

{you can't see Zel's smug grin since he keeps his video off]

And I'm sure there's some use for them. Sausage maybe, or bait. They have to have organs under the fur.

[audio]

[fdaterminator]

[Normally this would be the part where Colby goes off on a rant about freaks like you, but even he knows when a freaky ability is useful.]

Any way I can talk you into helping me refrigerate a warehouse one of the kedan was.... kind enough to let me borrow? [Read: he totally blackmailed one.]

Jesus how much food did they eat you out of?

video:

[ihope]

[FDA? That's an odd corner of government to be lurking around these parts, but it's enough for what Lex is looking for.]

[His room's infested-- blame a hyperactive red head next door for that. And Lex isn't looking like he's about to tolerate the trilling much longer. His jaw's set, shoulders are squared. And he's greeting a... cyborg, or something, on the other end of the screen. It's a bad day. He needs good news. Give him good news.]

Do you believe these things are good to eat?

Re: video:

[fdaterminator]

[Lex you have no idea how odd.]

I've never tried gnawing on one, so I couldn't tell you. My best guess is going to be "no"--too much fur, too much pregnant to be tasty. But I could be wrong. Try it and find out.

video:

[ihope]

[Too much fur- well, all animals had that. Just slide it off, store that half of the creature somewhere else, and. This is gross. He's thinking chicken nuggets with live chicks half fried in the batter.]

[But still, he's sure there's going to be someone willing to take a bite.]

I'll keep an eye out for freezers. [Words he never thought he'd say; hey, live and learn and test your own limits.] I don't want them around any more than you do. Do you have a name?

Video

[saved7]

[Miria's face and clothing is splattered with blood. Don't worry, none of it's hers.]

They die like any animal.

Video

[fdaterminator]

[Oh my god why are all of you people so fucking weird?!?]

No arguments here, but they're going to breed quicker than you can kill them. [And with that his robo eye projects another simulation, this time with a few people attempting to kill the tribbles.]

It'll take more than one crazy person to make a dent. [...Says the one crazy person attempting to stuff them in a warehouse and hope for the best. He's a city guy--he'd have no problems shooting the little bastards, but ammo is scarce and stabbing them is another thing entirely.

...I mean they're so fucking cute, even if he can't figure out how, exactly.]

Re: Video

[saved7]

[Oh, human with the strange half-metal face, you are adorable.

It's possible that the expression on Miria's face might include the hint of a smile.]

I am faster than you seem to think I am. The problem is disposing of the bodies.

[No really, there are entire parks in the Wood Sector now littered with nothing but dead tribbles. Miria saw to that.]

Do you have suggestions about that?

[mopirates_moproblems]

Your language, sir, may be what puts others off from assisting you, though your principals are sound.

[Did a sailor just tell you to watch your tongue?]

[fdaterminator]

Really? We're drowning in furballs and you're going to pretend to be my friggin' grandma?

[mopirates_moproblems]

I am merely suggesting that your tone is difficult and offensive to many who would otherwise help you.

audio;

[andaway]

[Kal is still wearing the suit, and the answer comes from Jor-El's suite.]

What was that you did? With your eye. The thing with the eye. What was it you did? It was cool.

audio;

[fdaterminator]

Seriously? You're still high? And you're dumb enough to talk to a former vice cop while high?

audio;

[andaway]

I'm not high!

[He lifts himself from the ground.] Now I'm high. [And then he lowers himself, touching the floor again.] Now I'm not high again.

[audio]

[funkindofwicked]

If by volunteer you mean someone interested in putting them out of our annoyance, I might be interested.

[audio]

[fdaterminator]

Like I said to the other crazy bloodthirsty chick, one person isn't going to make much of a dent here.

That being said, I really don't give a shit what happens to them so long as this outbreak gets contained. What do you have in mind?

[audio]

[funkindofwicked]

"One person" huh? Well considering I can turn a field of them into crispy fried trib-meat with a look, I'd like to think I'll do a better job than some geezer with a shotgun or a pick ax putting their back out.

video

[cowled]

I own a warehouse in the Earth Sector that has numerous large refridgeration units. I've asked my technicians to fix their internal temperatures a little lower than the norm, and by all means you're welcome to them.

[And by 'technicians' he means 'I did it myself because I'm the goddamned Batman' but that is neither here nor there. Bruce has been busy containing these things since the tribblesplosion happened, whoops.


*icon used only because it shows Batman with his head stuck in a fridge and is not an accurate representation of how Bruce appears on the network. Because gosh.]

video

[fdaterminator]

[Finally, the first reasonable person he's come across. If only you knew, Colby...]

Send me the address, I'll take it.

video

[cowled]

It's on the corner of Vannix and Heartley, give me a moment-- [He fiddles (with rather more clumsiness than strictly necessary) with the console briefly, and after a moment it sends a map of the area, with the warehouse highlighted.]

There you are, that should help.

audio;

[storm_warning]

[Ororo's been torn on the issue. On one hand, she's fridged a pretty white one. On the other, she's got a veritable carpet on the happen. So far, they haven't been a nuisance, but...]

Fridge's eventually bust up. I bet I could do you one better: Ever thought about a blizzard?

audio;

[fdaterminator]

[It's a shame this isn't video, Ororo, because Colby's face is priceless right now, as is the opening and closing of his mouth before he finally can find some words to actually say.]

Of course people can summon fucking blizzards here, why can't they?

[A small sigh.] How big a blizzard are we talking?

audio;

[storm_warning]

[Welcome to turtle hell, where all your weirdest power-related fantasies come true. Or, in this case, absurdities.]

Bits and pieces to start. This whole Tu Vishan trying to bite the bullet deal's put a dent in what I can do and a midsummer's snow about as easy as -- Okay, so it's not, but get a few of us together and it could do something.