tushanshu | ✦ 008 ✦ [VIDEO]

[Tim gets to his door just in time to hear the end of the 'Bart's underwear' conversation, and he's really trying not to laugh as he lets himself inside.

Really.

But he's not trying all that hard to keep the amusement off his face, so it's pretty obvious he heard them when he comes in.]

Hey. My what an interesting shade of red that is, Bart.

[Okay, yeah, he's not even going to try pretending he didn't overhear.]

[Bart was listening to Zatanna's explanation intently - cheap subject it might have been, but he actually was curious about it. He doesn't have much experience with non-fictional magic. He misses the sound of Tim's entrance, but he doesn't miss that little dig.
Now he knows that Tim's been there for who knows how much of the conversation, and the flush is just never going to go away. Maybe if he speeds up and gets a bunch of things done in the next five seconds. He could repaint the whole place. Except eventually he'd get bored and wander back into this conversation to find that it hasn't been that long and that Zatanna and Tim are still thinking of his underwear.

His next thought is that he's still small enough that he wouldn't need that large of a rock to crawl under and die.

But the one immediately proceeding is that he's not going down so easily. Bart folds his arms over his chest, jerking a thumb at Tim before tucking his hand under his elbow to cross his arms properly. Anything to look tougher while he waits for the excess blood to drain from his face. ]

You should ask this guy about proper underwear choices. And how to wear leather. Pretty sure he has to coat himself in baby powder to get that monkey suit off and on. Oh. And don't forget to ask about the mesh shirt.

[Who's laughing on the inside now, Birdbrain? Well, that's what Bart thinks to himself. The reality is getting that out in an unembarrassed tone was a struggle. Add his ears and neck to the list of things gone red. ]

[Oh, hi, Tim.]

[She had been all ready to make a quip regarding Bart's increasingly permanent new skin tone, when the young speedster decided to do it for her. Though his particularly choice of retaliation was a far cry from what she'd had in mind. In fact, the mental image was also a far cry from anything she could have possibly imagined. Or wanted to imagine.]

[Wordlessly, she turned back to Tim. Eyebrow raised. High.]

[...And now Tim can't help blushing a little, because low blow, Bart.]

It's not quite as bad as Bart is making it sound. I'm not exactly 'Gay Porn Ken.'

[He looks pointedly at Bart.]

Did you have to mention the shirt, though?

[There might be some giggling, hidden away in a tenth of a second of jerky movements, but Bart reels it in and slows back down, still faintly pink but with a dimpled smiling and eyes so alive with mirth.]

No, you're Gay Porn Ken's co-star, Twink Boy Ti-

[Bart catches himself, but it's way too late. He has no idea how this conversation even happened, but when he gets home, he is adding a full face mask to his costume and carrying a ski mask at all times because he's pretty sure that his face is going to be permanently this color.]

[Mumbling.] Did you have to wear the shirt?

[Well, it's official. Zatanna is never looking at either boy the same way. Ever. Again.]

Why, Tim. I never knew.

[Tim is just... kind of wishing he could drop through the floor right about now. And maybe into another dimension where this conversation never happened, and maybe he never even considered the Red Robin costume. Or Mr. Sarcastic.

Or existing.]

It's not what you think. It was for a reality show.

[No, actually, that makes it sound worse.]

It was a bad life choice.

Edited 2013-07-27 22:30 (UTC)

[Yes, Tim. Why did you do all those things, because it was inevitable that this or a conversation like this get started by Bart who will gladly go drown himself in bleach when Zatanna leaves?]

I... don't think telling her that it was for a reality show is gonna make this any less awwwkwaaard.

[Pause.]

Or that it was a bad life choice. Cause now you just sound like you're gay-bashing. You're not, are you? Dude. You spend weekends in San Francisco. You're gonna get slammed in the editorials.

[Bad life decisions, huh? Zatanna's slightly familiar with those. ~~Her other self is even more familiar~~]

No. It definitely doesn't.

She's also still in the room, Bart. In case you've already forgotten.

[Sliiiight eyeroll and a wry grin in Bart's direction.]

No, it wasn't gay bashing. I think we can call it a fact that anything involving me, a net shirt, and a fur-lined cape is a bad life choice.

[Because if we're going to bring up Mr. Sarcastic, we may as well just have it all out.]

Uh. Sorry Zee. Side effect of knowing someone more than half your life. Sometimes you zero in on them in a crowd. Anyway, it was more of an aside. Like this.

[Bart jerks his head towards Tim.]

He was a walking Ed Hardy advertisement. You shoulda seen the flames on the cape. Not to mention the fake tattoos.

[He winks at Zatanna.]

See? They happen all the time in a threeway convo. It really wasn't your best look, Tim.

I'm almost sorry I missed them.

[No, not really.]

[She leans back a little further, reclining with a grin in response to Bart's wink. Trying to figure out how long it had been since they'd completely lost track of the conversation before deciding it didn't even matter.]

I'll have to remember that for the next threeway.

No, you're not. And I hope the version of me where you're from never gets that bright idea.

[But he's laughing, because really, if you can't laugh at yourself.]

No, you really are. The second someone mentions a reality mini-series documenting Young Justice, do whatever you need to to get in on that. Sign up for the squad - it's not like we're picky, we let in Snapper Carr - sign up for mentoring if you're up to that kind of self-punishment, whatever you gotta do because Mr. Sarcastic lives only in our memories now.

Least until I find a way to bust into the Batcave and liberate that cape.

[She's just going to ignore the part where he not-so-subtly implied letting her in would imply a lack of standards.]

Good plan. Two problems. One, we don't have a team called Young Justice. And two...the public doesn't even know the Team exists.

I'm all for breaking into the Batcave, though.

[Tim covers his eyes with one hand.]

You might get a Young Justice in the future, and Bart, we covered this. There is no reality where it's a good idea to break into the Batcave.

You're totally getting a Young Justice in the future. Some things are just fate.

[Unfortunately, speaking of futures and fates... there's a slight seriousness now when Bart turns to Tim. It keeps his voice low in pitch and volume.]

Uh. Except I know of at least one where it is. So.

[Bart shrugs in a way that's both tense and wide at the same time. His arms are fully exteneded, fingers splayed and stretched so much as to angle slightly backwards, but his arms are right at his sides and pointed at the floor. He continues, more lightly.]

I'm ruling that what's OK in one reality is fair game in another, and having permanent blackmail on Tim Drake sounds like a plan. Whaddaya say, Zee? Send some sort of message in a magic bottle to the Zatanna on my world and tell her what she wants to do is help Bart Allen bust into the Batcave?

Hold up, there. How come she gets to have all the fun?

[Definitely ignoring Tim's face-palming, because priorities.]

[Tim catches the look Bart is sending him, and actually looks away, because Bart doesn't even know how awful that whole thing has potential to get, and he doesn't want to talk about it.

Definitely not now. Probably not ever.

He decides to focus on what Zatanna said instead.]

Because you're going to have to convince your Robin.

[Please take that hint, Bart. Tim's is the only ID she knows right now.]

[When Tim looks away like that, it's suddenly not such a hot idea to have pointed out that Tim was wrong about there being no reality where they should break into the Batcave. If Zatanna wasn't there, Bart would tell him that the old agreement still stands - they are not letting that happen, ever, but she is there. He's not about to open that one up for discussion.

The best he can do is reach over and touch Tim's arm. Not the shoulder, cause that looks like comfort, or the wrist, cause then it looks like he's trying to hold Tim there. Just above the elbow. That's safe, right?

Now. Focus on Zatanna. Don't jokingly ask if that means that he's convinced Tim, even though that is totally an opening. Just. Let it drop.]

She gets to have the fun because I'm totally getting us all home, one of these days. Sorry, Zatanna. You'll have to wait until your own version of me falls back through time for that little escapade.

[Something happened. She had no idea what, but whatever alternate-universe language they were speaking caused Tim to grow even more serious than usual, and even get Bart to sober up long enough to...touch his arm? It was just bewildering enough that she couldn't even bring herself to make another gay reference.]

[Shifting awkwardly, she waited until the two boys were done having their moment before focusing on the original plan. Something about the Batcave and Magic Bottles.]

I'm not sure the multiverse could handle another you, Bart. [A smirk, though slightly more strained than before. She shrugged.] As for my Robin...well, he's not quite as uptight--and, as far as I know, he doesn't wear tight leather.

I could probably convince him to go along with a plan of our own, if you're not going to help us.

[Tim glances briefly at Bart with a faint smile. They can talk about it later. Or better yet, never.

And then he's swallowing back a snicker at her comment about Dick and leather. Give him a few years. Nightwing might never have worn leather, but he's pretty sure Dick has.]

I am so not helping. You're going to have to come up with a hare-brained scheme on your own. And then when Batman strings you both up by your ankles in speedster and magic-proof cord, I will be there to say that I told you so.

[Tim's smile is greeted with a quick, relieved one. See. They're fine. They don't ever need to talk about how, somehow, so many of them went wrong. And how Bart somehow let that happen.

Bart turns the touch into a nudge, because the snicker tells him which Robin they're talking about here. He was pretty sure before, but there's only one that Tim would giggle about. So Zatanna is back in the days of the original Boy Wonder. Good to know.]

I keep telling you: you're helping. I'm gonna ask, and you're gonna cave like you always do. Or you'll cut me down and THEN help. Either way. The latter will piss him off more. You can hideout in Keystone for awhile. Get some direct input on the Mr. Sarcastic exhibit.

Winding you up never gets old, y'know.

...has anyone ever told you two you act like one of those old married couples?

[She wasn't directly implying that they were together. But only because she didn't need to. Bart's words and actions, combined with Tim's reactions, were more than enough for a strong insinuation to hang in the air.]

[Whether or not it was actually true didn't even matter. Because it was funny, and that's what did matter.]

What's the whole deal with this Mr. Sarcastic thing you keep bringing up, by the way?

[blinkblink]

Well, we've been friends basically forever. [He shrugs. There's a certain amount of secret language, mind reading, and body language that goes along with friendships like that, right? Right.

He groans a little when she asks about Mr. Sarcastic. Fine. He'll explain, because heaven only knows what Bart will say.]

Once upon a time, Batman and Robin were supposed to be urban myths, and never, ever in the spotlight. And then my team decided to do a reality mini series that Robin wasn't allowed to be a part of. So if I still wanted to be there--and I did--I needed a different alias. Thus Mr. Sarcastic was born. And then disappeared into the depths of time for very good reasons. The end.

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