post: Video

[solo_patria]

[Have an incredibly awkward looking Enjolras, who is, nonetheless, facing the camera straight on. There is really more just an uncomfortable gaze in his eye as he stares out, glances at a sheet of paper that he obviously does not really need and takes a breath to steady himself before beginning.]

I have learned recently that I posses the grand ability to hurt people without realizing that I do it. I do not mean to be careless with anyone but it has happened again recently, because I allowed it to happen, and I would like to take this moment to issue an apology to those of you I have unintentionally hurt by shutting you out over the past month. Because it felt easier, I have run away from my problems, hid from them, and from my closest friends, who I have, mostly, avoided since our work in the field here concluded.


I have lied to all of you since then, on a great number of inconsequential matters, broken some implied promises [Yeah, that thing where he told Gavroche he was eating? That's one of them.] and hidden, rather than face and deal with the truth.

The truth then, all of it, is that Ma...[Wait. He's not supposed to say its name and he knows better. So he's clearing his throat and starting again.] The truth is that the shadow being that I encountered acquainted me with some aspects of myself I had long ago assumed I had under control or had never seriously considered as detrimental or harmful until now.

[Have a moment where Enjolras is pausing, consulting that paper, paling, but starring onward into the screen. He heard and wrote what he's going to say next but that does not mean it is at all pleasant.]

For my friends who've come here from my home, I have never meant to be so careless with you as I've been in the past. Never careless with your lives, but careless with your feelings and our friendships. Consider this as a public admission and the start of an apology if you would have it. I do not wish to lose you, but what have I done this month but make it very possible?

To the new friends I have spoken to who have helped me to see reason, or been needed distractions at a time like this, thank you.

Speaking truthfully to all of you, I am quite far removed from what would consider 'all right', 'fine' or anything in between, but I intend, if there is a way, to recover. Will you help me find the way to start that?

[And here, Enjolras isn't shifting exactly, but there's a hand near his ear and he seems to be scratching at it behind his hair a little. Oh dear.]

On another note, attempting to self pierce one's ear with a needle is perhaps not the best of ways to go about it. Might there be a professional on this network willing to perform that service for me?

Comments

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[poeticverses]

[Moments after the post goes up, Jehan is knocking at Enjolras's door]

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[solo_patria]

[Really, he should have expected that, and what was posting it but a sort of unspoken plea for his friends' help anyway? Still ,it's a bit difficult for Enjolras to answer. Admitting to weakness is difficult but he knows he'll need to see this through so he's opening the door, and offering Jehan a slight smile. As much as he can manage under the circumstances at least.]

Prou... Jehan. [He's found himself defaulting to informality more here, which is probably for the best. ] I believe I owe you an apology. For what I mentioned and for not seeking you out.

[poeticverses]

No, you owe me nothing of the sort, Apollon. You were not ready to seek me out. May I come in?

[solo_patria]

Of course. And I contend that in the past, I have not always been, or tried to be a friend for...most of you. Not knowingly but...

[He's awkwardly stepping aside. to let Jehan in] Please. Before I stand here for hours talking at you.

[poeticverses]

[He senses that Enjolras is talking about Grantaire. Jehan wisely says nothing and steps inside]

You were as good a friend as you knew how to be. No one could ask nor expect more of you.

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[philosophe]

I did say you shouldn't, you know. [If he is scolding, it is extremely mild, however. He comes up from whatever he's been attending to, perhaps sketching, and gives Enjolras a brief pat on the shoulder.]

And you know, of course, that I will help you in any way I possibly can.

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[solo_patria]

At least the damage is limited to be being little more than an irritation. I did at least know what to sterilize before I tried it. [That's the sort of tone that other people would stick their tongues out with, actually. And then Enjolras's expression is shifting a bit at the next part.] You are, of course, already. I may not trust myself, Etienne , but I do trust you.]

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[philosophe]

You did, yes, which means you have been listening at least somewhat. [There's a small lipquirk.] Well done.

Thank you. You need only ask, if you need anything.

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[solo_patria]

Proof I AM capable of it when it comes to some things, I suppose. Or you are particularly interesting during these conversations. I am never certain.

When I know what I am asking for, I will, of course.

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[philosophe]

I already know you are capable of many things, my brother.

Good. [And another brief touch to his shoulder, rather fondly.]

video; 95% batcrypted

[demon_brat]

[For the record, the first two clauses of this question are a high display of tact, where Damian is concerned.]

I am wondering if, once you are feeling more stable, you would consider divulging information about your experience for - the sake of those who would fight that shadow.

Re: video; 95% batcrypted

[solo_patria]

[It's a kind of tact that Enjolras would recognize himself, perhaps, deliberate as it seems, if he were in a better state of mine just now. As it is, well, Damian does make sense.]

I would be willing, yes. I do not have MUCH that I can tell, but I am willing if it will help another in my position, yes

video; 95% batcrypted

[demon_brat]

[Damian gives a small nod, grateful that the man doesn't dissolve into a bad reaction to the shock.]

Thank you. Even a little would be more than we knew before.

video; 95% batcrypted

[solo_patria]

Of course. I...it was mostly some complicated mental games if I may put it that way but better to describe it a bit later, I think, once I've had time to put it in writing. I think and remember best on paper.

[The thing that broke Enjolras, through all of this, was more his reminder to look inside himself, and and his horror at the darkness found there. Mentioning Malicant at least, is a bit different. Sort of.]

video; 95% batcrypted

[demon_brat]

[Ah, people who have illusions over their own darkness. How quaint.]

That will be appreciated, yes. Whether or not we receive the written or verbal version.

I wish you success on your quest to... resolve what you are perceiving as transgressions.

[callmegregarious]

Ain't hard to fix a man of a problem like that if you know how it's done.

Come work for me. I can see that you get the incentive, distraction, and care that you need at a time like this.

[solo_patria]

Oh? And what precisely might your line of work be?

[callmegregarious]

Buisness.

[solo_patria]

I ...see...

[And that's Enjolras's lip quirking a little.]

The saddest part is that I could, perhaps, use some work. This may be worth discussing, sir.

[callmegregarious]

Good. I will be putting together more information in the near future and will keep you in mind at such time as it becomes necessary for me to do so.

[video]

[bludhavenknight]

[Hello friendly person.] First step towards fixing anything is to admit there's a problem, so they say. What you just did is one of the biggest, courageous things I've ever seen.

...But why do you need to pierce your ear?

Re: [video]

[solo_patria]

[Well, hey there. You look familiar.]

Better than hiding I suppose.

[And Enjolras is ducking his head a little here, some of his hair flopping back to reveal the attempted piercing site. Which, admittedly, could be far nastier than it is. At the moment, there's an angry looking scab there, and some irritation.]

The earring is...a symbolic matter after what has happened to me. Do you know of Saint-Just?

[video]

[bludhavenknight]

Hiding is only a temporary fix. It never works out for long. [He has a list of people who've died because of it. And he'll never forget their names.

Dear god, man, what the hell?]

Sure. The "Angel of Death" during the French revolution. He wrote... oh, what was it... Organt? I think that's what it was called. But where does the ear piercing come in?

Re: [video]

[solo_patria]

It does not seem to be, in any case, no. [And that is a sad sort of smile Enjolras is giving him right now.]

He's been given jewelry in a good deal of art since the Revolution. I...to remind myself in all things to consider what he would do, not to succumb to the weaknesses that almost consumed me here. And to remember him and what came about a a result of being too... [What IS a good word here?] ...Overeager I suppose. Even the most noble of ideals can go so badly, fall so short, when one does not consider what else is in front of them. I have had to learn that in the difficult ways, mostly. I suppose it keeps me aware...how much like him I've always striven to be, and of the good and bad that comes from it.

Re: [video]

[bludhavenknight]

[He just returns that same, small, sad smile. He'd still like to hide, right now, but it was lessening day by day.]

Okay. But why piercings? What about wearing a ring, or a necklace or a bracelet of some kind?