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[controlledvariable]

Good morning Keeliai, how are we all today?

[Steph is sitting at her console, leaning back in her chair with her legs propped up on the desk. She's smiling, and for those that know her, it's the sort of smile that should be extremely concerning. Those that don't know her may also be feeling like they're about to hear something they don't want to.

She is going to be a terrible person today.]

I'm going to preface this message by saying that anyone under the age of 16, or whatever the age of legality is where you're from, should tune out now, please and thank you. I'm not gonna be explicit or anything, but it's probably not going to be appropriate for kids. [she gives a pointed look, yes you, Damian, switch off the computer now.]

I was taking an anthropology class back home, and my professor happens to be here too. [she wrinkles her nose, like yes, I know that's super weird, how do you think I feel?] And he's been giving me assignments and stuff, because apparently being kidnapped by a giant turtle isn't a valid excuse not to keep up with coursework. The topic we'd been studying before I got brought here was human sexuality, and Professor Craig suggested I write a paper on kedan sexuality instead. [Hi Bruce.] Except, uh, after the last couple weeks, I'm not really keen on that idea.

But I have been thinking about all these people with superpowers running around, and like - we've got comics back home, right? But they tend to focus on the whole defeating supervillains and stopping alien invasions side of things, which is great, sure, I love a good action story, but there's something that just never really comes up.

[she looks directly at the camera, the very picture of scientific curiosity] Do they - or, do you, for the superpowered people in the audience - ever use their powers for sex? This isn't a rhetorical question, by the way, if you have used your powers in the bedroom, feel free to share with the class.

And in the interest of not excluding anyone from the conversation, anyone who's just a regular old human, or whathaveyou, you can discuss what sort of powers you'd like to have, and how you'd use them to impress the gender-of-your-preference.

Don't feel like you have to respond directly to me, you're more than welcome to talk amongst yourselves. I figured we could use a little lighthearted chat to take our minds off the situation. Don't you agree?

[She winks, clearly trying not to laugh, and sits back in her chair to wait for responses]

Comments

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[wherethestoryis]

You are helping with the newspaper venture, right? Though I'd be careful. Creatively reinterpreting like this might give your editor a heart attack. It's not helpful--trust me, I know.

[Translation: Yes, this is slightly private. Turn the goddamn encryption up higher, now, to spare Clark an aneurysm.

And, by the way, the identifier on the location is Clark's apartment in Water Sector.]

video; encrypted 99%

[controlledvariable]

I am. [She's the best helper] Can he even have heart attacks? And do you think we can convince him to publish a graph of the results?

video; encrypted 99%

[wherethestoryis]

To the second? No. Smallville's got a prudish streak.

To the first? I think you're well on your way to finding out.

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[controlledvariable]

Maybe we could make it PG somehow. [come onnnn Lois it'd be great]

[oh god wait she just realized this is Superman they're talking about.] Actually if I think about it too much, I'm gonna have the heart attack first.

not here

[cowled]

[WHY IS THIS HIS LIFE.]

video-action KIND OF BOTH

[andaway]

WE ARE NOT PUBLISHING THIS.

[Sorry girls, superhearing.]

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[controlledvariable]

[She doesn't actually shriek, it's more like a very loud "eep!"]

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[andaway]

[He takes a while to answer to her, it's not until he's actually in front of the computer that he can talk to her.

At least this means he's had time to calm down and stop being flustered.]

Do I even want to know what brought this on?

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[controlledvariable]

Uh.

[Hi, Clark.

Oh god why is he like one of the few people who she gets embarrassed in front of this isn't fair. Just because she's idolized Superman since she was little.]

Probably not? There's a boy. [H E L P] It's - um. Now I know what Steve felt like, this is karma, isn't it? [head in hands]

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[andaway]

Ooh, of course there's a boy, there always is. And yes, Karma has a way of getting back to you.

[That gets a smile out of hin. He might fluster easily but he understands teenagers are teenagers and he had been one, once.]

And one with powers, I'm assuming. Do I know him?

You can't just ask this kind of things in the open either way, dear. You never know who's listening.

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[controlledvariable]

Not always. [she is just going to sulkily contradict him because her brain honestly short circuited a little at Clark "ooh"ing.

Oh god okay she's encrypting this conversation.] Striker. [Said with awareness of the fact that Brandon and Clark didn't exactly get off to a great start. She's gonna work on that.]

If you mean him, we've already had words. [Did he just call her "dear"?

This is legitimately the strangest conversation she's ever had]

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[andaway]

[He automatically frowns at that name. It's not that he doesn't like the guy, he seems like a good boy and he obviously wants to help even though he might not go about it in the best way possible.]

It's not that I don't approve, but he has yet to believe a word I say. Apparently an old man like me being nice is simply impossible.

And honestly I'm not sure if he will approve either. Especially if the first thing you do is start talking about using powers during sex-

video; batcrypted 99%

[andaway]

STEPHANIE BROWN WHAT DID YOU LET HIM DO?!

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[controlledvariable]

[She actually has a theory about the first point Clark brings up, based on the conversation she's had with Brandon, and she'd been debating exactly how to say that to Clark without feeling like it was a betrayal to Brandon.

But then she's getting yelled at all of a sudden and all it serves to do is raise her hackles. Nevermind that he's Superman, Steph just stares at him, utterly uncomprehending for a long moment before her expression turns to anger]

How is that any of your business?

[It's not the same as her bringing it up in the context of talking about superheroes. This is just some dude she barely knows acting like he has any right to question what she does in her private life.]

Why does it have to be that I let him do something? God forbid it was my idea, right? Because I'm just - what, some silly little girl that needs protecting?

I thought you'd be better than that. [Her tone is practically dripping disappointment, and there's something like hurt underneath it.

She should've known he couldn't be as good as she'd hoped.]

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[cowled]

Clark.

[That single word is pure Batman, and it implies 'we should be talking about this in person'.]

action

[wherethestoryis]

[Back at home, Lois just laughs. And because she can talk at the air and she knows he'll hear, thus keeping it off the network entirely:]

Love you.

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[andaway]

[And even though she can't hear him back, she can rest assured he will reply with a 'love you, too'. Even though he'll make sure to keep his superhearing out of the rest of the conversation in case Lois decides to have fun with Steph's questions and answer them...]

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[wherethestoryis]

If you manage that to the point he'll print, I'll officially see about getting you a medal. If this place had Pulitzers I'd even nominate you. [She snickers.

And then smirks.] Your own fault. You asked.

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[controlledvariable]

I can get creative with euphamisms.

[Lois, you're mean] I'm not sure I thought this through.

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[wherethestoryis]

Trust me, there are not enough euphemisms to be creative enough to spare my husband's sanity.


By the way, you get no details. [There is an unvoiced 'buuuuuuut......' in her tone.'


Yes, she is willing to share a very few things.]

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[controlledvariable]

Maybe I should just declare it a lost cause. [Steph doesn't know the meaning of the word]

Can't he hear us? [She's starting to wonder if she's met her match in Lois]

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[wherethestoryis]

I didn't think Bats knew the meaning of the words 'lost cause.' [She knows Bat-kids, after all.]

If he's listening, it's his choice. Knowing him, he probably wants to pretend this conversation never happened.

[Never mind that Lois has said nothing remotely relevant...]

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[controlledvariable]

A cause with no chance of success. [Steph don't be a smartass]

I might want to pretend this conversation never happened. Like - [oh god] - I kind of want to ask, but at the same time I want to be able to look him in the eyes when we're working.

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[wherethestoryis]

And I still think you don't understand what that means.

[She laughs.] I'm sure you want to ask. What you have to ask yourself is whether I'll answer.

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[controlledvariable]

You know us too well. [sometimes she used to think it meant herself]

I have a feeling you will just to mess with me. [she's onto you, Lois]