tushanshu | AUDIO; from a cafe; post-bottle

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AUDIO; from a cafe; post-bottle

[Peter's not quite in the right place, mentally, to put up a video post. And he definitely isn't sure he should put it up from his own suite. So he's found his way to the nearest cafe, with an oversized hoodie pulled up over his head, and is starting up only an audio feed.]

Never a boring moment around here, is there? One minute we're normal-ish, celebrating Valentine's Day, and the next we're battling evil miasma inside a magic bottle.

Does anyone ever wonder what happened to the idea of rest and relaxation?

[FILTERED to the Spider-family]

...Sorry. About what happened back there. You-- You guys know that that-- That wasn't me. You know that, right...?

Oh, God... [There's a sigh, and then a beat of silence before he continues.] Anyway, just- I'm sorry.

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I'm beginning to miss the other Peter.

... The one we saw back there- He's the Me from your universe, right?

[He nods.] The way I saw him right before I got here, anyway.

He was, uh... kind of a major tool, not gonna lie.

[Not quite the way he'd imagined, considering what he'd heard.]

I noticed.

You didn't have him attempt to bring a building down over you. [In New York, not nightmare Houston.

Kaine sighs.] May thinks it's someone else, like... possessing Parker or something. I thought Parker just finally snapped.

Whoa- He did what now?! [That does not sound like a Peter Parker sanctioned decision.]

That-- Seriously, I prefer that line of thinking over "Future Me is a total douchebag with weirdo Doc Ock arms." What was up with that anyway?

He was trying to destroy the Jackal's lab... he just apparently didn't care if I was still in it.

[Kaine doesn't think ] He had the extra legs for a while before a few years back. I think Stark made them for him. [Though he can't remember why...] And Doctor Octopus is dead. Again.

[Peter frowns.] That- seriously doesn't sound right.

... Okay, Stark-sanctioned or not, Other Me has officially taken the spider-theme eight steps too far.

And seriously, one day somebody needs to explain the multiple death thing you guys seem to have going.

The spider signal and the spider tracers didn't already give that away?

Fuck if I know how he came back. I made sure he was pretty damn dead before... ["You'll know what it feels like! What you did to me! You took my life!" Parker... Peter said that. And right after he said something weird. He said... "Anything you did, you did for him! For Spider-Man!" Kaine had just assumed at the time that was some sort of thing with Peter, that he considered Spider-Man someone else or something. But... what if May was right? What if he wasn't Peter, but Octavius?

No. That's stupid. There's no way that can be right. He was just reading too deeply into this now that Ock's name got thrown around.]

The spider signal and spider traces were the first two steps overboard. He's now eight steps too far.

So you... killed Doc Ock? Also- Jar.

The first time, anyway.

Among others.

Others as in... Other killed people, or other people who did the killing?

Among other people I've killed. I doubt you know the other two I took out associated with Parker, as one only hated Parker because he thought he was Reilly, and your Kraven is apparently a joke.

Kraven may be a joke, but he's my joke.

[And that line in and of itself is a terrible joke, but you reap what you sow.]

But these guys- Where you're from, even if you off them, they just come back?

At least his psycho family didn't kill you to bring him back.

[Because what was once Peter's joke in his world quickly became Kaine's serious problem. He still has to serve Ana Kravinoff her tongue.

His anger quickly passes after hearing Peter's next question, and he finds himself picking at a stray fiber on the kid's couch.]

Not always. ...Ben never came back.

[That punches a little hole into Peter's gut. Of course it's not an "every time" thing, Parker. Way to shove your foot firmly into your mouth.

And then of course, there's the added bonus of knowing that there's no going back for himself, either. This is his existence now. This is probably all that's left of him.]

... So it's only the ones you don't want coming back that do, huh?

Not always. I couldn't even tell you which of the Avengers have died and come back at this point. That damn tower is like a revolving door of dead people.

Sounds exhausting.

I've stopped keeping track. [He's pretty sure everyone has.]

Now that I think about it. There is actually one more person I've killed that you'd know.

Wolverine.

Don't worry, he got better too. That was sort of the plan.

[Peter makes a face. Not an "Oh no, you're a killing machine" kind of face, but more an "You just named my least favorite vegetable in the multiverse" kind of face. Wolverine.]

Doesn't that guy like, have super-healing or something?

[Interesting. From what he gathered from Wolverine on that awesome jet of his, Peter rather liked him, even if the feeling wasn't mutual.]

Which is why I said he got better. We... had a common enemy that tried to have us take each other out. [That might not be entirely true, but it was close enough. His story of how he got involved in the Assassins Guild is just too long.]

[Well, if that Peter had Wolverine nearly destroy his life via temporary body switch, he might start feeling differently toward him, too.]

So he was like, what, an assassin or something? Is that why he left the X-Men?

Among other things. [Belladonna's notes were thorough, but everyone's entitled to their secrets.] And what do you mean "left the X-Men?"

He's in charge of the X-Men. One of them, anyway. I killed him in his school in Westchester in front of some of his students.

Yeah, Kitty always made it sound like they were looking for him or something, I don't know-

But he's a teacher?! He's in charge of kids?? He can't even take charge of his aroma!!

Teacher? He's the goddamn headmaster.

And don't remind me about Kitty, I can still feel her fingers in my head.

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