tushanshu | video.

[Good evening chelonauts, tonight you are being treated to the fine sight of one (1) bruised and somewhat bloody Ant-Man looking far more annoyed than he has looked his entire stay on this turtle. There are scrapes and cuts all over his face and his mouth is a thin line that is barely visible until he opens it to speak.]

Heads up: if any of you guys see a rooster that looks like it's been fused with a telephone box, do me a huge favor and run, not walk, in the opposite direction if you want to wake up tomorrow with still ten fingers. [He hasn't lost any of his own yet but it's only a matter of time.] I don't think there's another one of these Frankenchickens out there but just in case.

[There's long-suffering sigh and he's about to say more when he immediately gets drowned out by the rooster rattling around in its makeshift cage and crowing its little cybernetic head off. At the rate things are going, that cage ain't gonna hold it much longer and then fingers are actually going to be lost.

Scott turns and attempts to shush the rooster several times, but since the rooster listens to him about as well as everyone else does (which is to say not at all), he finally gives up and just ignores the damn thing, pinching his nose in exasperation.]

Anyone have any extra bandages? And maybe a flamethrower? You'll get paid back in chicken patties.

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[One whole minute later he's back with even more cuts on his face, if such a thing is even possible. The rooster is still happily yammering away in the background.]

Yeah, that didn't really work and now I'm down a blanket. Got any other ideas in that cape of yours?

[He's wincing in sympathy, because. That looks bad. Should probably, I dunno, get some bandaids on it or something.]

Uh. I don't know, you can't really have it wandering around, but... you could lock it in the bathroom?

[There is a registered nurse coming EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY. Maybe. Knowing him, something will go wrong again because that's how everything in his life works.]

I don't think that's really-- [Never mind, we're not going to talk about bodily functions in public or over the network sooo] Yeah, I guess I can try that.

Or I could wait for the guy that owns this thing to come pick it up and lock it in his bathroom.

Yeah, I saw the guy, it's his robot-- uh, cyborg chicken thing? Rooster cop? This sounds like a weird idea for a comic.

Rooster cop. [A beat.] That sounds like a really bad Terminator spin-off. Or a really weird comic.

[Another beat.]

You gonna write it?

Rooster Cop: Live and in the Feathers. [He pauses.]

I don't know. I'm better at reading comics then writing them, you know?

Practice makes perfect, right? There might be a good audience here and it's not like we're going anywhere and maybe if you do it long enough here when you get back home you'll be all set to go.

[Or well. One can dream, right?]

Making sure I can the best comic book writer ever? That's not bad! I haven't really thought too much about what I want to do as a job when I get older... maybe this is it!

[His dreaming can make things come true!]

[Now if he could only dream Cassie back to life, things would be excellent. But then time and space would probably break because you can't exactly go around messing with life like that and not get a humongous backlash.]

You should give it a try then. And if I'm still alive after this rooster debacle, I promise to read it.

[Here's an apologetic smile. He's not Kang the Conqueror, but. He gets the feeling. But right now, he's just sorry about all of this.]

Sorry I wasn't much help. Like I said... not really my area of expertise. I don't even like birds that much.

[Billy does get a crooked smile for the apology at the least.]

Hey, not your fault. I guess it's just one of those life lessons you gotta learn: "don't pick up demonic metal chickens off the street."

You should write a children's book for it. Sort of like that book, don't eat the cookie? It could be don't pick up that demonic metal chicken.

[That gets a laugh out of Scott and he realizes how absolutely ludicrous he's making all of this sound.]

That would just tickle the Daily Bugle pink. Scott Lang, Ant-Man and kids book writer-wannabe. [They would seriously have a field day with that if he ever tried.] We'll let you stick to the writing and me to the getting mauled by metal chickens.

[Billy grins.]

Well, then you could get book reviews in the Daily Bugle! Except those are pretty nasty, so maybe not. [Does the Daily Bugle do nice reviews of anything? He hasn't seen many.] Okay, I'll do the writer, just try not to die by chicken. Or lose anything because of a chicken. Or eaten by a chicken. Or need to get a tetanus shot because of a chicken.

[Tiny salute!]

Will do. In the meantime, I think the owner's coming over for the chicken, so I'll report back to you on how that goes.

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