001 [Video]

[spideyfanone]

[It's hard to be sure of the camera's angle, but it's definitely propped up somehow, with the speaker hanging upside-down from the ceiling, because why not. Scrawny, scruffy, in his early teens, and some kind of fuzzy, blue elf-demon. When he speaks, it's with a clipped Brooklyn accent.]

So... the turtle is new and different. I've done space whales, but not reality-turtles.

Anyway. Longshot, but any of my team here? Lookin' for a General James Howlett especially, or Miz Alison Blaire? ...Hercules? ...Emmaline Frost-Summers? I mean, she doesn't even like me and I think she's a goddess now, but worth a shot.

Guessing not, though, so does anybody need somethin' fixed? Because I hate being bored, and unless somebody's got a mission that needs doing, I'mma be a huge pain in the butt.

Comments

[alpha_squad_leader]

I can see the leather working but I don't think the whole legions of evil thing is a good fit.

[spideyfanone]

Yeah, legions of gruff Canadian stoicism, maybe.

[alpha_squad_leader]

Maybe Wolverine. I don't think Hercules even knows how to do stoic.

[spideyfanone]

He's also not Canadian, but he's usually happy as long as he's with Mr. Howlett, so I don't think he'd mind.

[alpha_squad_leader]

That's true. [A brief pause.] Herc spends a lot of time with your Wolverine?

[spideyfanone]

They were kind of...

[He has no idea what the right word would be. "Boyfriends" sounds kind of silly and childish, given it's them, but it's not like they were married, exactly, or anything very concrete. And every other word he can think of sounds like romance novel copy.]

A thing. With a somewhat alarming amount of PDA by adult standards? Like, obnoxious couples making out in the hallways in middle school levels.

[alpha_squad_leader]

[Victor stares for a moment, trying to process this information. He's getting all kinds of mental images he's not sure how to react to.]

Wolverine. And Hercules. Were a couple? Together?

[spideyfanone]

Well, I mean, the ones I knew were. No idea if that happened in any other universes. But yeah. And they got sent to some kind of underworld for it in their own universe, and spent a couple years beating up the whole hell dimension thingy. So who's gonna argue at that point, y'know?

[Kind of cool, except for it being weird that his surrogate father acts like a smitten teenager whenever said demigod's around. Which is weird.]

[alpha_squad_leader]

Huh. That's...well beating up a hell dimension sounds like the both of them alright. Glad they have eachother then.

[spideyfanone]

[He's pretty sure they don't anymore, but he's carefully ignoring everything that happened for about an hour before he got here. Denial is such a great solution. Time for a change of subject.]

Weird romantic histories seem like one of the minor prerequisites for joining my team. I mean, for people over eighteen... whose heads are still attached to their bodies...

[Too many qualifiers. Universe-hopping just makes everything weirder.]

[alpha_squad_leader]

Are people over eighteen and with bodies still attached to their heads the majority of your team or...?

[spideyfanone]

Yeah, me and Xave are prolly the only exceptions. And I only got to come because I was on the original squad that busted out of the Savior Machine. KInd of a team mascot, honestly.

[alpha_squad_leader]

How long were you with the team? I think they might have had more reason to keep you around if they didn't ditch you at the first reasonably safe spot.

[spideyfanone]

I'm not really sure. Hard to keep track of time when you jump around to different worlds all the time. Not sure if anyone would have called any of those places safe, though, so... Eh.

[alpha_squad_leader]

Could you guys control what worlds you jumped to or was it random?

[spideyfanone]

We... kinda had a specific M.O., so we went to whatever world that was.

[He's starting to suspect he might not want to get real specific about what the job was.]

[alpha_squad_leader]

I see. Well, I still think they let you stay around for more than mascot reasons.

[spideyfanone]

Yeah, I can also fix stuff, and Xave kinda hijacked my porting to boost the ghost box.

[alpha_squad_leader]

Wait, did you say ghost box? [He doesn't know all the specifics but everything about those in the X-men files was under that 'extremely dangerous!' banner.]

[spideyfanone]

Yeah, amazing what you can do with one of those. Lots more than we covered in junior engineer summer camp.

[alpha_squad_leader]

Aren't ghost boxes just technology from an alternate dimension that uses them to invade others though?

[spideyfanone]

Well, you could. Or you could jury-rig an awesome mass-port device to move the whole population and infrastructure from one doomed earth to an unpopulated one in another world. And all the cats!

[What, he likes cats.]

...Pretty boss. I helped.

[alpha_squad_leader]

[Victor's just going to stare for a moment since that's an impressive feat. The comment about the cats gets a little smile from him though.]

Did you get the dogs too?

[spideyfanone]

Think so. I'm just sure about the cats.

[alpha_squad_leader]

I'm sure the SPCA would have some kind of award for you. [He chuckles.]

It sounded like a pretty awesome thing to pull off.