video.

[langsyne]

[Good evening chelonauts, tonight you are being treated to the fine sight of one (1) bruised and somewhat bloody Ant-Man looking far more annoyed than he has looked his entire stay on this turtle. There are scrapes and cuts all over his face and his mouth is a thin line that is barely visible until he opens it to speak.]

Heads up: if any of you guys see a rooster that looks like it's been fused with a telephone box, do me a huge favor and run, not walk, in the opposite direction if you want to wake up tomorrow with still ten fingers. [He hasn't lost any of his own yet but it's only a matter of time.] I don't think there's another one of these Frankenchickens out there but just in case.

[There's long-suffering sigh and he's about to say more when he immediately gets drowned out by the rooster rattling around in its makeshift cage and crowing its little cybernetic head off. At the rate things are going, that cage ain't gonna hold it much longer and then fingers are actually going to be lost.

Scott turns and attempts to shush the rooster several times, but since the rooster listens to him about as well as everyone else does (which is to say not at all), he finally gives up and just ignores the damn thing, pinching his nose in exasperation.]

Anyone have any extra bandages? And maybe a flamethrower? You'll get paid back in chicken patties.

Comments

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[redjay]

I have a bazooka but you guys look like you're getting along swell.

text; threadjack

[cibopath]

So does the rooster.

text; threadjack (on tablet or this would be properly formatted)

[fdaterminator]

No, he has a nuke.

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[redjay]

A nuke? It's going to shorten his life span. That's pretty irresponsible.

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[fdaterminator]

When they put the nukes in, they spent some of that 6 trillion giving him /really good/ shielding from the radioactivity. [Yes, Jason, Colby's Universe spent 6.2 trillion dollars on a homicidal chicken rooster..]

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[redjay]

[His universe put insane amount of money and time to put a guy in a bad halloween costume batman. It's totally understandable.]

Wow, I'm impressed. Does a bazooka cook it thoroughly? Curious minds wants to know before any bad attempt kills them.

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[fdaterminator]

Heh, like you could hit him with a bazooka.

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[redjay]

You guys have really invested in your poultry.
What other sort of upgrades does the rooster have?

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[fdaterminator]

Poyo's worth the investment.

...Oh, just odds and ends.

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[redjay]

I normally don't ask this much about another man's cock but you're going to have to be more specific about those upgrades.

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[fdaterminator]

Not on the first date anyway, buddy. You can ask anything you want... but to give you the cliff notes version, most of the answers are: it's classified.

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[redjay]

That's not really cliff notes, is it. That's a sticker price.

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[fdaterminator]

I'm sure there are some questions that I could answer, but that covers the majority of them.

If you really want to know, you could just piss off Poyo and find out for yourself.

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[langsyne]

[Hardeharhar, Jason, you think you're so funny.]

We'll get along better once he's in my stomach. You mind parting with that bazooka for a little bit?

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[redjay]

[Sad part is, he does think he's really funny hurr]

As much as I want to see someone try to cook a cyborg chicken with a bazooka, I just got it and I'm about as attached to it as a new dad to a newborn.

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[langsyne]

What if I let you use the rooster as target practice? You get to keep the bazooka, I get to lose the chicken, win-win.

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[redjay]

FDAs might have another opinion on this. And your cyborg poultry friend might have more upgrades than just ...well, being a cyborg. Put it in a box and float it out to sea.

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[langsyne]

Got one strong enough? Because I don't.

[Not that it would be a big deal to make one but like hell is he wasting more time and resources on this thing.]

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[redjay]

Get some pieces of metal together and you're on your way. You know how to weld?

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[langsyne]

Have the know-how but not the with-what-how. But I'll make do.

[aka being poor is suffering.]

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[redjay]

Are you sure?
How many fingers do you have?

[Look he wants to help (for reasons Scott will not approve of)]

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[langsyne]

[At this point Scott will approve of just about anything and anyone so long as their name is not John Colby, USDA.]

Are we counting the one that's about to fall off?

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[redjay]

[hehehe ahem]

Thumbs too. If you have them.
If you don't? Sorry, you might've devolved.

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[langsyne]

[okay as much as he would like to make snarky commentary back to that, his fingers are in pain and there is a feral cyborg in his suite. So. Short and to the point.]

So no bazooka?

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[redjay]

Sorry, man.
They're reserved for more than a feral cyborg chicken.