AUDIO; from a cafe; post-bottle

[nerdylilspidey]

 [Peter's not quite in the right place, mentally, to put up a video post. And he definitely isn't sure he should put it up from his own suite. So he's found his way to the nearest cafe, with an oversized hoodie pulled up over his head, and is starting up only an audio feed.]

Never a boring moment around here, is there? One minute we're normal-ish, celebrating Valentine's Day, and the next we're battling evil miasma inside a magic bottle.

Does anyone ever wonder what happened to the idea of rest and relaxation?


[FILTERED to the Spider-family]

...Sorry. About what happened back there. You-- You guys know that that-- That wasn't me. You know that, right...?

Oh, God... [There's a sigh, and then a beat of silence before he continues.] Anyway, just- I'm sorry.

Comments

[unobtainableredemption]

"Agent" Venom and I met twice, and neither time were you there, Parker. This may come as a surprise, but my world doesn't revolve around you or your problems. [Except for when he spent those five years in a "misguided" attempt to "help" you by ruining Ben's life.]

That, and that Eddie Brock is stuck with your sloppy seconds no matter what the universe. [Though he has to admit...] But whoever has the suit now has a decent hold of it... when it has a hold of it at all.

[nerdylilspidey]

That is a surprise. I totally thought that everyone's worlds revolved around me and my soap opera. [Kidding. That'd be the worst soap opera ever.]

Some control is better than none. Hopefully that's enough.

[unobtainableredemption]

Reilly and I spent a long time trying to get out of your shadow.

And if he finally loses it, I hope there's someone there that will off him like he wants.

[nerdylilspidey]

I don't even know your Peter, and I feel like I'm doing the same.

[With a short exhale, Peter leans back in his seat so he can stare up at the ceiling. Personally, he doesn't want anybody getting offed, no matter what the situation.]

...I just hope there's a way to contain the suit itself.

[unobtainableredemption]

[Kaine dares to look at Peter for the first time since he started talking, but isn't brave enough to look him in the eye. He never realized how many times he might have slipped and referred to this Peter as his.]

I didn't mean... I don't compare you to him. You might have the same name, the same face, but you're two different people.

[nerdylilspidey]

[He looks back over at Kaine with a blink of surprise, and then even he's averting his gaze.] No, I'm not saying that you were-- I just meant that...

[He frowns a little, then shuts his eyes with a sigh.] ...When I saw that- that adult statue. I just thought, "Wow. That could've been me." And at the same time, it-- There's already a version or two of me like that, and I'm never gonna...

[He frowns and shakes his head slowly from side to side.] I don't know how to become that guy. I don't think I ever will.

[unobtainableredemption]

Do you honestly think my Peter or May's Peter knew what the hell they were doing at 16? Or that Reilly or I knew what the hell we were doing when we left New York with nothing more than someone else's memories in our heads? You just... figure it out as you go along. [Okay this is coming too close to a pep talk. Why can't someone else be here to handle this?]

[nerdylilspidey]

Yeah, I- I know. But... I've clearly messed up in some way that no one else has. I feel like I keep hearing about how good Spider-Man is everywhere else. And then there's, y'know, me.

[He lets out another sigh, and then raises his hands to wipe them down his face.] Sorry to- to dump that on you. I probably sound completely stupid.

[unobtainableredemption]

Are you kidding me? Parker is the biggest idiot I have ever met in my life! He screws up on a daily basis. Did you ever think that maybe the people that have talked to you about him might be biased?

You don't believe in putting a giant spider flashlight on your belt. You're automatically smarter than he is.

[nerdylilspidey]

I don't have a whole lot else to go on! I know he swings somewhere between what you're saying and what everyone else is saying, and that's just- It's just a big gray area.

... And seriously, that- that's the weirdest thing I've ever heard.

[unobtainableredemption]

Why compare yourself to him at all!? You are not him! [Words he has told himself over and over again for the last ten years.]

The spider signal. I wish I was kidding.

[nerdylilspidey]

I'm not him, I know, but-- And I mean, I don't regret what I did, but... He's survived. In one universe he's even got kids.

[unobtainableredemption]

Peter, I've died four times. If God can bring someone like me back when He knows damn well where I should be... You, more than anyone I know, deserve to be brought back too. If not... there's worse places to live than this damn turtle.

[nerdylilspidey]

[He's quiet for a moment, and then he looks back over at Kaine with a small, grateful smile.]

If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to cheer me up.

[unobtainableredemption]

[There is the barest hint of a smirk on his lips.]

Then it's a good thing you know better.

[He pauses to let the moment pass.]

...Anything else you feel like knowing about me?

[nerdylilspidey]

Can I feign ignorance for two seconds?

[He says, but then he also lets the moment go by. It's how Kaine works, and he's fine with it.]

..Your shirt size might be good. So I can get your "I Heart Houston" shirt ready.

[unobtainableredemption]

[This is just like Peter. He just admitted to being a murderer, a wanted felon, and to torturing Ben for five years, and all he wants to talk about are TV shows and T-Shirts.]

That's never going to happen.

[nerdylilspidey]

Awww, but then what do I do for your birthday?

[He keeps a mostly straight face, though his eyes are completely betraying him.]

Okay, real question- Is this a one time thing, or are you gonna answer me all the time now?

[unobtainableredemption]

I'll make it real easy for you--I don't celebrate one.

[Because really what was there to celebrate? And even if there was something worth celebrating, was he just supposed to go with Parker's birthday? Or the day the Jackal released him from his pod? Yeah, he's better off without one.]

I can only guarantee that I'm going to be forthcoming today. [That said, he hasn't exactly ruled out being more open with him going forward.]

[nerdylilspidey]

In that case, today is your birthday. [Quick, what's the date.] The truth has set you free.

And every year on your re-birthday, we can celebrate honesty and trust.

[unobtainableredemption]

Are you forgetting the part where I'm a murderer? Because I will kill you. [And he says it a bit more strained than usual, since his "birth" is one of his more touchier subjects.]

[nerdylilspidey]

Can I pretend you'd only kill me 'cause you like me?

[And he's totally about to ask about that, in 5... 4...]

[unobtainableredemption]

[...Heh, in a sick way Peter was right. He only wanted to kill Ben out of his love for Peter. As such, Kaine doesn't answer the question.]

[nerdylilspidey]

[Slooooowly Peter starts to smile.] That's totally a yes.

[unobtainableredemption]

How can you still joke about this when you're still holding the badge of a woman I killed in cold blood?