Video the First, In Which a Wizard Seeks Companions

[hexualdysfunction]

[Now, what in the fresh hell is this? A new guy, more cheerful than appropriate? Maybe.

Wally speaks with the most affected accent: that of a teenager running a D&D campaign, feigning the voice of a wizard.

That's exactly what he's doing. He's trying to look more professional and wizardly than he really is.]

Good morning, my friends! This lovely day, I awoke to the sun reflecting off the shell of our gracious host, the great swimming turtle -

Which - ah. May or may not be dead. And it wasn't actually the shell, it was a building with particularly reflective windows. But you get the point: lovely, lovely day.

Who has plans today? I have a strong desire - a hankering, if you will - for adventure, and am in search of a party for just such a campaign. I seem to have missed all the excitement with the Chihuahuas - terribly disappointing, I love those little ratty beasts - but I'm sure something else will come along. Now, I find it best if my parties consist of one thief, one swordsman, one bard, and possibly a Paladin or a Monk of some sort. You know. Religious types to keep an eye on our immortal souls and summon the powers of the Otherworld for their righteous cause.

We also need a quest.

I do love questing.

[He has literally never been on a quest.]

I think I'll hold auditions. Please submit your name and work experience to Wallace Sheldon Everett, Wizard, by noon. I'd like to get a much earlier start than that, but I also understand people have other obligations.

Comments

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[thaumatophage]

Quest auditions? I'm game.

What ho, good sir, my name is Kitty Callahan and I am a rogue and ne'er-do-well. I kill things in creative ways for my day job, front flip for style and all that. I can provide a resume upon request.

[She absolutely cannot.]

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[hexualdysfunction]

Ohh, a resume! How fancy! Yes, let's have that!

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[thaumatophage]

One moment!

[She turns around, scribbles furiously on a piece of paper for a few moments, and turns back, presenting it to the camera.

It reads, in her pretty bad handwriting:

Kitty Callahan, Midnight Hotel, Keeliai, Tu Vishan, whattheheckisthisplanetcalledanyway

Education
Valcentica Academy of Magic, 2007-2008
Accomplishments:

• Actually passed one of Ocean's weird exams
  
• Didn't die...more than once, anyway
  
• Survived demon invasion of 2008
  
• Did not punch Vissiand in his infinitely punchable face
  
• Launched imp rehabilitation program

Employment History
2002?? literally for as long as I can remember-Present: Assassin

• I kill bad people and am mostly paid in eggrolls
  
• Proficiency with sword, polearm, and gun
  
• I am under no circumstances allowed to use a bow
  
• Works well partnered and alone
  
• Breadth of experience in varied conditions
  
• Only three formal reprimands!!
  
• Okay, six

]

How's that?

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[redlightgreenlight]

The powers of the Otherworld? [a sly, but perfectly pleasant smile lights up Valdis' fair features.] I might be able to help you with that.

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[hexualdysfunction]

[Oh, pretty girl.

Pretty girl.]

Yes- why, of course you'll have experience with the Otherworld, with such Otherworldly looks - Beauty! I meant beauty! Not the Eldritch horror type of looks!

[So pretty and not an elf.]

That is, that - That makes no sense. Experience with the Otherworld because you're pretty? Shut up, Wallace, shut up, or you'll scare her off again just like that barmaid.

[redlightgreenlight]

[She laughs lightly]

Why, Sir Wallace, I'm flattered.

[And amused, highly amused.]

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[peacefullywreathed]

[Oh Lord this man's going to be eaten alive. ... Solomon wants to help. He's on the feed with a perfectly bland smile.]

I don't suppose a cleric will do?

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[hexualdysfunction]

A cleric would do nicely! Have you any questing experience, my good man?

[Wally sounds just like a kid pretending to be a fully-grown wizard, here.]

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[peacefullywreathed]

Oh, yes. In fact, I arrived here just at the end of a great battle against a trio of eldritch horrors seeking to enter my world. We won, of course. It's just too bad they dragged my pet skeleton in with them. He was such a wonderful conversationalist.

[Despite the actual words, he sounds more amused and indulgent. How long until the man notices he's being teased, while being obvious about it?]

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[backwordscompatible]

[Zatanna almost wished she had a pair of sunglasses on so she could peer at the screen over the rim of them.]

Seriously? Questing?

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[hexualdysfunction]

Of course! Have you never been questing before? It's thrilling - fighting against impossible odds, slaying the giants of our imaginations, going forth and becoming the heroes about whom songs are writ!

[All right, Don Quixote, calm down.]

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[unetrustworthy]

That...doesn't sound like much of a party to me.

[Guess who has never heard of D&D in her entire life?]

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[hexualdysfunction]

Doesn't it? [He looks mildly concerned now: what if he's going about this all wrong?]

How would you put a party together?

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[denyamenti]

A thief, you say.

[ Bakura no. ]

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[hexualdysfunction]

A thief, indeed! Someone to steal the keys, to unlock the locks, to cause distractions and perhaps tell a bawdy tale or two!

[Bakura yes]

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[wolfstrike]

You need a quest, huh? Don't we all.

If you're looking for a swordsman though, I'm your man.

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[hexualdysfunction]

I believe there is no better man than that with a sword, and twenty swords are better than none.

[A beat.]

You're very pretty for a man.

[risingwinds]

A quest?

[Cue one grinning, spiky haired teen with bright blue eyes leaning close to the camera because this sounds awesome! Oh man. He'd totally be down for a group adventure. It'd be a great chance to make friends. See new sights!

Though he soon pulls back, tapping his chin while he considers his own 'class...']

Um... So, can a swordsman still use magic and stuff, or are you talking swords only? I can do both, so...

[He's not sure what he counts as. It's kinda tricky!]

[hexualdysfunction]

[J A C K P O T. Wally grins into the camera, because a swordsman with magic is the best sort of swordsman.]

Why would I restrict someone to one mere ability when he - or she - [Some of the men here look a lot like ladies, and vice versa. If their ears were a little pointier, he'd be panicking.] - has the wherewithal to learn as much as they possibly can?

But you should start with your name.

[Video]

[stubbornlittleshit]

And what, precisely, would this questing take the form of? I might recommend a few causes here, monsieur , should you be interested, or suggest attending one of the meetings for ideas.

[Arno is raising an eyebrow, and then leaning forward, slowly flicking out his phantom blade as something of a demonstration.]

My name is Arno Victor Dorian, of the Assassin Brotherhood. I could offer you some help, I think.

Re: [Video]

[hexualdysfunction]

Thus far, we've decided to go forth and inspect the mines in the mountains. However, if there is a cause which requires a skilled hand, a sharp blade, and the steely resolve of a hardy group of men (and women), why, I would very much like to know!

[A small gesture of greeting indicates that he has heard Arno's name.]

[highprofilerichkid]

[...Is this guy for real?

Tony looks amused, and maybe a little bit confused.]

A quest, or a D&D campaign? [A bard and a paladin? Seriously?] What are you, uh, questing for?

[hexualdysfunction]

Glory, of course! Riches beyond our wildest dreams! The notoriety that comes of being heroes in a day when heroes are few and far between!

[Also: money for food.]

What in heavens is D&D?

video; (let's pretend this is not super late!)

[edgeoftheknife]

[Erskine's been all but absent on the network for over a month, but this... this is just too strange to ignore.

The man in the video is pretty. Beautiful, one might say. People frequently do. The Irish accent usually helps with that, too. He rests his chin in his hand and arches an eyebrow at this 'Wallace' character.]

You're a wizard? What kind?

[hexualdysfunction]

[Aha. His specialization? A look of discomfort crosses his face and he shifts in his seat, though he maintains his bright smile throughout.

He's going to have to get a little fancy here.]

Well, the good kind, of course. The sort you'd want on any long journey, for I know the best orcish poems, the most interesting tales from the deepest forests of Erolline, and I make a very hearty stone soup.

[A beat.]

I'm good with explosions.