Tu Shanshu

[Now, what in the fresh hell is this? A new guy, more cheerful than appropriate? Maybe.

Wally speaks with the most affected accent: that of a teenager running a D&D campaign, feigning the voice of a wizard.

That's exactly what he's doing. He's trying to look more professional and wizardly than he really is.]

Good morning, my friends! This lovely day, I awoke to the sun reflecting off the shell of our gracious host, the great swimming turtle -

Which - ah. May or may not be dead. And it wasn't actually the shell, it was a building with particularly reflective windows. But you get the point: lovely, lovely day.

Who has plans today? I have a strong desire - a hankering, if you will - for adventure, and am in search of a party for just such a campaign. I seem to have missed all the excitement with the Chihuahuas - terribly disappointing, I love those little ratty beasts - but I'm sure something else will come along. Now, I find it best if my parties consist of one thief, one swordsman, one bard, and possibly a Paladin or a Monk of some sort. You know. Religious types to keep an eye on our immortal souls and summon the powers of the Otherworld for their righteous cause.

We also need a quest.

I do love questing.

[He has literally never been on a quest.]

I think I'll hold auditions. Please submit your name and work experience to Wallace Sheldon Everett, Wizard, by noon. I'd like to get a much earlier start than that, but I also understand people have other obligations.