Tu Shanshu

[Another radio broadcast so soon? The feed clicks on...and while the intonation is familiar, the voice is decidedly...female.]

A rolling stone gathers no moss. It will never gather moss. It will never find what it is looking for. Welcome...to the Turtle.

[No xylophone this time - just some awkward shifting and a clearing of the throat.]

I'm reporting with a special bulletin today. Many of you may have noticed changes in yourselves. Maybe you're younger. Maybe you're older. Maybe, like me, you woke up with parts where there shouldn't be parts, and missing parts where you know they should be. Or maybe, just maybe, you're not in your body at all.

Do not. Panic.

For those of you who were too startled to look back within the network, a spell has gone wrong. And hey. We've all been there, right? You're doing your daily rituals, you're feeling pretty good about how your hair is sitting that day, and WHOOSH! You've just sent your favorite teapot into the void instead of your required sacrifice. These things happen, listeners, and I, for one, intend on carrying on as I always do. Except, perhaps, while wearing a bra.

Think of this as an opportunity! I know I'm asking myself some questions right now. Do I want to try new clothing options? How do I want to style my new, longer hair? Would Carlos - perfect, perfect Carlos - think that I am even half as beautiful as he is?

[A deep sigh.]

Dr. McCoy has put out a call for blood samples - if you don't enjoy this experience, cooperation is your best path back to normalcy.

I will conclude this special broadcast with the weather. This is Cecil - or, if you would prefer for now, Cecilia - Baldwin, reminding you not to go on a witch hunt.

[The feed ends with another strange instrument, being played rather...poorly. Cecil isn't much for playing instruments.]

[Last time this face was seen on the network, it was full of joy and mirth and vigor and all kinds of fun and cheerful terms that mean vitality.

Not this time.

This time, Cecil is sobbing into his hands, face streaked with tears (from all three eyes) and nose running. He's surrounded by different kinds of sweets - and it's apparent that if he could have a pint of fancy European ice cream to cry into, that's what he would be doing right now.

When he speaks, it's in a croak, his voice choked with tears.]

C-Carlos...isn't...here.

I knew th-that from the start - I knew he would be b-back in Night Vale, doing his science, but - I've just had SUCH a TERRIBLE thought....

What if...he thinks...I've LEFT him?

What if he thinks I don't love him anymore?

Oh, god - what if -

What if he finds someone else?

He is just - he's so BEAUTIFUL and PERFECT, and I'm...I'm....

[He loses his words for a moment, taking a bite of...some kind of cheese. An attempt to drown his sorrows. In cheese.]

Next to him I am SO FORGETTABLE and I can't imagine what he must THINK of me - disappearing after OUR FIRST DATE-

[His voice breaks. Cecil puts his head in his hands, openly sobbing.]

C-C-C-Carlos...I...I didn't...mean...for this...to happen - I LOVE YOU so MUCH -

Radio...is...a dangerous...life....

[With that, he's wordless and sobbing again, letting the feed just...run for a few minutes before turning it off. He needs the company.]