Tu Shanshu

[A jumped up, egotistical little squirt of a man appears on the video feed. He throws a salute that is best described as, erm. Lots. Yes, there's lots of saluting going on here. And then he finally snaps his fingers away from his forehead, and nods curtly at the camera from his suite in the Metal sector.]

Good evening, residents of the Turtle. I'm Acting Captain Arnold J. Rimmer, of the Jupiter Mining Corporation deep space vessel Red Dwarf. And while I'm none too keen on the whole "kidnapped to an alternate dimension" smeg, I must admit I'm not surprised I was chosen for this war. Great generals are surely lacking here, it's just an inevitability.

Although I do find it rather hard to believe that a woman's in charge of this whole operation. Tell me, who's the real brains behind the beauty, hmm? It won't do for your newest commanding officer to not know his superiors. Or his subordinates. I want names, I want ranks, I want practical experiences!

Or, failing all that, the nearest exit? I think battling a multi-dimensional entity of purest evil on the back of a giant turtle might be the tiniest bit above my pay grade. Thanks ever so.

[Another salute! This one even longer than the opening salute. And then, mercifully, the feed cuts out.]