Tu Shanshu

[It's late at night, and Deon looks somewhat distressed. Tired, and mildly disheveled, but mostly distressed.]

Please, I need some help. I was walking on the beach and I found a woman who washed ashore, and she had this in her back, [he says, raising a teardrop-shaped piece of lapis lazuli - quite literally - about the size of two fists.] I was trying to help her to safety, and then she...she disappeared in a puff of smoke, and this was all that was left.

Has this ever happened before?

[Deon looks characteristically excited...but even more so than usual. And he's talking...a little faster...than usual.]

Okay, so I know about the jar of endless coffee beans in the Hotel, right? That thing is a godsend, it really is, but it's just not enough, you know? Well, I found something, during the yard sale, and I'd really really appreciate it if someone could help me set up something similar. It can be done, right? Course it can, there's an endless jar of coffee beans, this is a lot easier, or should be anyway.

[He holds an open can of Red Bull up to the camera. And the way he's holding it? It looks empty.

Take someone away from their fix for a couple months, and give it back, and don't be surprised when the reaction is a little stronger than usual.]

I found a whole case of Red Bull, and I'd like to know if anyone can make it so that it doesn't run out. Violates every law of physics I know, but the coffee jar proves it can be done, and I know there's people who can do all sorts of magic here, so how about it?