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Hi, everyone. [ a quick, cheerful wave and matching smile. ] I'm Caroline Forbes, and I was wondering if I can help anybody here with anything.

Back home, I'm basically my town's event-coordinator and the junior head of community service. Additionally, I'm an experienced sober coach [ ha. ] and a relatively experienced life coach [ unlife coach. ]. So, if you're suffering from the turtle island blues, then I can totally help you change your tune. I also happen to be a grade 'A' body guard [ which may be surprising, considering her...everything. ] and an awesome shopping buddy.

I'm kind of a superhero, too, I guess, except more super than hero. [ another smile. She's fitting in with the crowd. There are plenty of superheroes around, right? Nothing special to see here. ] I mean, I don't really do much for the greater good, but I can mess with people's dreams — and I know that a lot of you guys have bad insomnia or suffer from nightmares, at least.

So, if you'd like to, y'know, dream of fluffy kittens and rainbows for a change, I can help with that.

stagethreeclinger

[ So, Roy hasn't been around that long, but he's gotten to know Keeliai, the natives, heard about the Emperor and definitely picked up on the tension between foreigners and the Kedan, but just out right asking about What The Hell Is Wrong With This Place seems a little too obvious. And lame.

And this way is much more fun. ]

Okay so is there a part of living on the back of a giant magic turtle that isn't supposed to be completely awesome? Because a lot of you seem to be really bummed about it, and I'm starting to think it's more than just a strong case of Stick Up The Ass going around.

[ And frankly, Roy likes looking like the idiot. He raises up a hand holding some kind of Kedanian smoothie in the cafe he's seated in, and gives an 'okay, humor me' kind of gesture. ]

Let's pretend for two seconds that you're all actually the most boring people ever and the part where we're on a monster turtle isn't enough for you - you're getting what's practically a free vacation. A beautiful city on a tropical island that's really more like a cruise, and even a space you can go sit near Yurtle's massive head and zen your neurotic brains out. The closest we have to that at home is legalizing pot.

I know I'm inviting a sea of sarcastic quips to kill my buzz about the whole badass Suessical adventure, so let's try to be organized and civil about this - there's only so much scathing sardonicism I can handle at once. Please fill out the attached form and get back to me:

Your Name: Self explanatory.
Your Age: It'd probably explain some things, I'm jussayin.
Level of Suck of Your Homeworld: On a scale of Fantasia to Bambi. Just trying to keep some perspective.
Your Complaints About Our Magical Turtle Adventure: Let it all out, brothers and sisters. Testify.
Notes: Whatever. How's my hair?

Thank you for your participation! Here is a wavier for your free snow cone! Not really. Sorry.

[ Oh wait, just this last piece here: ] Also, if you know anyone who likes to run around in tights and a mask, maybe a cape, let me know? Thanks! [ A little salute, and he signs out. ]

[[ ooc; If you could, please fill out his permissions post ova hurr, and here's the html for his little questionnaire thing :>

]]

faceofthe4

[There's a pause before Johnny's face appears on the screen, bent over to press the buttons. Once he confirms that the screen is on, he straightens and makes sure he's in frame, wearing very basic clothes.]

Aw, Reed. You shouldn't have! It's a little small, but I admit, I like what you've done with the place.

[He waits a beat, as if Reed might actually respond.]

There are two obvious possibilities for why I'm here. One, the Emperor is a crazed fan who abducted me to find out if The Torch is really as hot as they say he is – I am, by the way – or, two, I'm actually dead, they're lying to me, and I have a motorcycle and a pile of women waiting for me somewhere.

[A split-second pause.] I'll tell you what. If it's the first option? You can come find me. If it's the second, let me know and I'll come find you. Until then? This Fire Sector is like home, sweet home.

Johnny out.

crotcharrow

Anybody seen Brandon? Black hair, weird face scars, total asshole? Oh, and I guess he can also control electricity and if you're a chick, he's probably hit on you.

If anyone has seen him, can you let me know? I know he's been living like a hobo, but he's more of a couch potato hobo, not a mine-dwelling-turning-into-a-gremlin-hobo, so unless his couch ate him, I'm pretty sure he's gotta be around here somewhere.

[Or he's gone home. Or arrested. Or. Something. God, he shouldn't be as worried about Brandon as he is, but dammint, he was his friend. The least he could do was tell him where he was going. The irony of him breaking up with Steph because they don't know when they would randomly get sent home was so not funny right now

He frowns one last time, and then moves on.]

Also, I'm not the only person who lost their job on this stupid turtle, but I'm willing to keep going, but I'm not working for any kedan.

If anyone needs anything delivered to other parts of the turtle quick, I'm your guy. I'm super fast so I can get it there in minutes that would usually take hours, and you can pay me in food. It has to be food, or else it'll take me longer to get your stuff where it needs to go. It's a pretty good deal if you ask me.

[You can tell it's sort of hurting him to stoop to this. But he's desperate. And being flippant about it is his way of dealing with it.]

Lemme know, yeah? For both things.

traumatizing

[So it's been a bad week of a bad few months of a bad few years. (He hasn't even bothered to shave this week, it's awful.) Terry's sat himself in a cafe in Earth with an extremely weak (and overpriced!!!) coffee to make this post, since his suite is pretty much falling apart and he's fed up of dealing with it. He's also pretty tired and shabby looking, so he's opting for an audio post instead of video like he prefers, since that isn't exactly a look that inspires confidence.]

With the recent, uh. Hostilities. I've lost my office. All things considered, it's not really that bad or even unexpected, but it does bring me to my next point.

[He hesitates for a bit here, because the truth of the matter is that he's really not stable enough to offer counselling to anyone in good conscience, but like hell is he going to announce that in public.]

With all that's going on right now, I don't really have the time or the energy to offer my services and given the lack of interest [said matter-of-factly, he's not really surprised or upset about it] I don't think it would be any great loss if I took a break for a while.

If anyone is in need of emergency counselling, I'll be available - I'm in EA-1B - but I don't feel comfortable offering anything long term at the moment.

ironwood

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